Did You Know That Strong Boundaries Enhance Your Relationships?

What are boundaries?

We know that countries and states have established boundaries to indicate their perimeters. Likewise people have boundaries. Sometimes people have what we call loose boundaries where they allow others to take advantage of them. Think of boundaries as imaginary lines we have established around ourselves. Imagine yourself as being in the center of a circle. The circle that you have drawn around you reflects your boundary, The purpose of your imaginary circle is to let others know what they can and can not do or say around you. As we grow we need to extend our boundaries because what was OK with us earlier in life may no longer be so. Boundaries help define who we are and what we will accept from others.

Benefits of strong boundaries

The benefits of having good boundaries are: 1. You will have respect for yourself. 2. You will attract people who respect themselves. 3. You will have more energy in which to grow. 4. You will have more courage to move forward with your life.

How to establish strong boundaries for yourself

As adults we have the ability to create boundaries for ourselves which reflect how we want to live our lives. It is up to each person to define limits when someone else says something or acts in a way that is not OK with us. Sally is an example of what I am talking about. Her mother did not permit her to have a mind of her own but rather she was expected to think as her mother wanted her to. This was a terrible burden for Sally who learned from that to give power to others and not validate herself. As an adult Sally realized that she does have the power within herself to define how she wants to be treated. Deliberately and conscientiously she has changed this pattern established in childhood by taking risks to speak up for herself. It has given her joy to bring forward her authentic self by establishing boundaries which protect her uniqueness as a person. Without our own clear boundaries we are at the mercy of others and our own sense of self is deeply affected.

Compatibility Test - How Compatible Are You and the Person You Are With?

The first step in being able to fully understand and love someone is by knowing whether or not you have a common ground to start from. Compatibility is the presence of the chemistry of two persons in a relationship which would determine if it is supposed to last or not. For some people, it takes a short time to know if they are compatible or not. But for others, sometimes it takes several years to see and come into a resolution that enough is enough. In that span of time, so many efforts are wasted, so many opportunities have passed by, and so many broken hearts has been suffered by the lovers. This is best attributable to their failure to determine right away if they are meant for each other or not.

Most people believe that love can not be measured. This might be true but when we talk about compatibility, which is usually the primary basis why people choose to be with each other, this ingredient in love can be quantified by the degree of repulsion or attraction to certain things which can be revealed by tests through relationship compatibility questions. This is a fun and informative activity that will help determine the relationship compatibility of couples and to show the various points needed to be fixed in the relationship. In worst cases, these relationship compatibility questions will help couples to arrive at a decision whether or not to move on with their relationship together or they move on alone or with someone else.

There are times that people tend not to ask the important questions for fear that they might hurt themselves or the other in the process. However, the doubts that we have in our minds about the other person eats out the relationship until one day we find ourselves hollow and not in love with the person we are with. And having spent so much time, resources, and opportunities with the other, we find ourselves trapped in a relationship that we do not want to have anymore. The ultimate result then is that we live a life which we are secretly unhappy.

We only live once to experience to love and to be loved. Why entrust this matter to fate? There is a way wherein we can take hold of our destiny and be able to spend the rest of our lives with someone we truly care and love, body and soul. There is a way to find out your one true love, the one who is really meant for you, your knight in shining armor. With the help of the compatibility relationship questions find out who is Mr. Right? Many couples have benefited from this and why should not you?

Be able to settle your relationship compatibility issues. The truth might not revealed itself in such a way that it be favorable to you but nonetheless, you will be able to know what is the next step that you and your loved one should do.

Successful Relationships - What Gets in the Way?

Wouldn't it be great if human beings came to this world with a well functioning, inbuilt relationship software? Indeed, we do come with an inbuilt capability to form deep, lasting, successful relationships. How then does it happen that so many relationships run into problems? Reports about divorce rates, domestic violence, and increase of crime paint a grim picture of the state of relationships amongst people. Not only are people's private spheres affected by difficulties with relationships, but also their professional relationships suffer greatly. Frictions, stress, disruptions, and conflicts in the workplace attest to how difficult it is to manage team relationships.

So what is it that gets in the way of people having successful relationships? That again has nothing to do with finding the right partner or colleague, but everything with psychology and how our brain functions. Everyone transfers feelings (positive or negative) they have about significant people in their childhood onto people in the present that have traits that remind them in some ways of the person from the past.

Another psychological dynamic is projection whereby people project onto others the aspects of themselves they don't like or are in denial of. People also have a distorted perception of others through trauma, neglect, or other bad experiences in the past that they have generalised in their mind. In fact, our perceptions of others is so much influenced by our past experiences, that we rarely perceive them for who they really are.

Of course, there is a remedy that helps people dealing with the psychological impact of trauma, transference and projection. It can be summarised as 'emotional intelligence'. Emotional intelligence covers self-awareness, self-management, understanding others, and managing relationships. This can be achieved through a process of self-reflection, soul searching, and honest, objective self-observation.

How to gain emotional intelligence will be discussed in the next article.

To Plan the Future of Relationship Or Let it Flow?

Maybe you've already paid attention, that there is not direct connection between planning the future of relationships and its progress in fact.

But still a lot of people feel necessity to definite if it's temporary relates or for a life time.

Why do people like to definite and to make decisions to far future?

Because of the fear!

We are afraid of changing, of movement. We think that this is the way we can protect ourselves, to stay static.

It's difficult to go out of our regular space of acting because of psychology fixation.

But this is not our real nature. This is not the nature of life and the universe. They are dynamic. Everything changes all the time. We either. Every new second is not like previous, we become different. We grow, develop. Also our partners.

We don't know what will happen in five minutes. How can we know who will we be in some years? What will we want? What will be good for us?

There are two types of planning:

1-The problematic one:
When we plan something, and then feel that we have to implement it, no matter what. And if the circumstances changes and the plan isn't relevant anymore, we feel losers, because we haven't done what was planed.

2) The healthy planning:
We can plan our next steps, choose the direction, draw the way in our imagination according to what we feel and know at this moment. It allows us to progress and develop much more quickly and effective.

But..! Every single moment during the way, we should be very sensitive and attentive to what is going on inside and around us.

And if we feel that this is the time to change the direction, simply change it. There is no reason to feel loser, to look at it like at failure, to judge and criticize ourselves. No reason to be sorry.

Just the opposite, behaving this way we are really synchronized with our nature, which is dynamic.

There is one additional thing we should remember:

To keep the relationship during all the life is not a goal.
It can be result but never a goal.
The goal is the way.
The relationship should serve us and not the opposite.

Living Through Separation

Humans are by nature not a solitary but a social creature. Our social nature makes us happier when we are in others' company, and less so when confined in solitude. However, there are certain occasions, or situations when we intentionally prefer to isolate ourselves from others. While some isolation can awaken our creativity, others can do just the opposite; depending on one's ability to manage the situation.

Throughout history, many great achievers from various fields tapped their hidden potentials while in solitude. I am yet to see or learn about a great man or woman who has not realised the importance of solitude to the achievement of success. Even Jesus Christ, with his divine nature, realised this fact, which was the reason he often withdrew from everybody including his disciples before facing difficult situations such as Satan's temptations in the wilderness, and his arrest and his subsequent crucifixion.

All self-imposed solitudes do not arouse creativeness, because it is not all self-isolated people that recognise the importance, and can exploit the enormous potential of this element, to their benefit; even some of those who understand its importance, might not have the burning desire, and the discipline it requires to exploit it to their advantage.

Thus, quite often, isolation is very destructive instead of the contrary, especially when negative emotions such as: fear, jealousy, hatred, bitterness, revenge, greed, superstition, anger, bitterness and self-blame or regret, frustration, and suspicion surround it.

Before going further, it is worth stating what 'Separation' here means. The subject of this article refers to parting between two lovers, either by divorce, in friendship or courting. It also concerns separation by the death of a loved, or a closed one.

We're living in an era where separation is seen as the normal way of life. Many people even believe that when there is a storm in a relationship, it is better to leave instead of finding ways to remedy the situation. Hence, either we have in one time or the other experience this problem, or encounter those that are going through it, of have gone through. Nobody is immune form separation from a loved one. What is the connection between isolation and the subject of this article, "Living Through Separation", you may wonder. The two relate because isolation is one of the most common defence devices that people that are going through separation often resort to. They usually isolate themselves from their relatives, neighbours, friends, and associates. Their solitary attitude could be attributed principally to fear. They are often afraid of what people will say or think about their negative emotions, because they assume that people will never understand their feelings from their perspective. Also they are often afr aid that people will blame them for the collapse of their relationship. If you are passing through this unfortunate period, and your intention is to live through it successfully within the shortest time possible, isolation is the least attitude that you need. Alternatively, all that you need most is the profound comprehension of the facts governing your present experience, and the best ammunitions to employ to combat the negative emotions successfully.

A. BASIC FACTS GOVERNING THE PERIOD OF SEPARATION

First, separation is a life-changing phenomenon. Once it occurs, your life will change completely. It will change either positively or negatively, depending on how you handle the situation. Regardless of all the good intentions and efforts of your closed ones, if you consciously or unconsciously refuse to sum-up yourself to create happiness for yourself as soon as possible, all their efforts to help you would be fruitless.

Creatively managed separation is a life transforming experience, for it will awaken your latent potential. Separation will definitely bring about life's enriching, learning experience, and personal growth. It is important to underline here that, no matter how it happens, you will never be the same, as it will make you stronger psychologically, and sometimes, spiritually too, and it will make you wiser.

Third, separation as both learning and a self-awakening process could enable you to understand yourself better; although sometimes the process could be very painful. No matter how painful it might be, it always has a silver lining, for it will enable you to realise both your strengths and weaknesses, provided, at a given time, you analyse the situation profoundly. Doing so enables you to uncover your mistakes, and also to realise that some of your predicaments may have been self-inflicted. Thus, it will be possible for you to make the necessary corrections or adjustments in your subsequent relationship, or relationships.

Fourth, having negative emotions during the process of separation is quite normal, desirable, and even a healthy experience. Negative emotions such as anger and bitterness, frustration, self-blame or the feeling of guilt and fear are parts of grief's healing process. However, they only become very destructive if you allow them to dominate your thoughts, and harbouring them for a very long time. In order words, the more you master them, and get rid of them as quickly as possible, the easier and sooner you would pass through the agony successful.

Furthermore, even if you were the cause of the collapse of your relationship, living forever with that guilt can be very detrimental to both your health and to your chances of overcoming the situation successfully. One of the easiest and direct remedies to the feeling of guilt, which could be the best thing you can do for yourself, is to look for a person that you can trust, who is very understanding, affectionate, and should have great patience, a good listener, and should be capable of encouraging you to talk freely. Consequently, you will be relieved of the heaviness in your mind; thereby getting over the negative emotions easily and quicker. Later, the person should remind you of all your strengths, and the reasons why you should not allow your guilty feeling to enslave you.

Besides, allowing guilt to engulf you is an indication of your inability to recognise the fact that no matter how intelligent and wise one may seem, he or she is not immune from making mistakes. Life of absolute perfection is not human, but supernatural, and nobody is a superhuman. All that counts most is your ability to accept your mistakes, correct them when necessary, and learn from them, and move on with your life.

Again, it is baseless and unhelpful to be suspicious of everybody around you when grieving separation. It is baseless because among those around you, there are certainly those who really love and care for you. So it is advisable to find them out, lean on them, and trust them to help you retrieve both happiness and an inspiration, to victoriously overcome your difficult situation.

Human nature impels us to directly or indirectly seek comfort and support from others when we are confronting huddles of life. Under normal circumstances, people like to help those who are open to them, and would be receptive to their kindness. Suspicion does not only repel people, it also wounds their feelings towards us, thereby making it difficult, and if not impossible for them to help us when we need their help.

B. HANDLING ANGER AND BITTERNESS

Anger and bitterness as effects of separation is an indication of your protest against your sad and lamentable experience. It is a normal, and a necessary ingredient to the healing of your grief.

The first method of handling your anger is to talk about it as many times as possible. This requires identifying a relative, neighbour, friend, or associate whom you love and admire, who can understand and respect your feeling, and encourage you to offload your bitterness by having the patience to listen to you.

The second strategy is the easiest, and one of the most effective, yet usually ignored. It entails putting all the reasons for your anger and bitterness into black and white. Whenever any negative feelings spring up, all you need to do is to pick up a pen and a paper, and write a letter as if you are writing-pouring your heart out to your ex-partner. Feel free to state all the reasons for your anger, and how it has affected you. Doing this as many times as possible, and tearing or burning them afterwards, is you so wish, will relief you tremendously.

How do you feel whenever you are offended and you burst out before your offender, pouring out all your anger to that person? I guess that after your outburst, you are usually relieved and more relaxed. That is exactly how you will feel after writing your letter of annoyance, for you will have the sentiment of having talked directly to your ex-partner.

Another method is the one that most Therapists often use. It is known as, "Beating the pillow". It is quite simple. It consists of locking yourself in your bedroom, talking to your pillow-pouring out all your anger and bitterness on it, and beating it as if your pillow is your ex-partner. Feel free to shade tears if it comes, and continue this process as long as necessary. After the episode, you will certainly feel much better.

However, the ultimate solution to anger, and bitterness, regardless of its cause is prayer-praying to the Almighty God, asking him to take away all your anger and bitterness, and then give you peace of mind. Perhaps you have never prayed, probably because you are not a Believer. But that does not matter at all, because your Creator loves and cares very much for you, irrespective of whom you are, and he is everywhere, always listening to you. If you do not know how to pray, simply praying using the following statement, believing with all your heart that God will definitely grant your request will surely make a difference. "Please God my Heavenly father, Creator of Heaven and Earth and all therein, I ask you to forgive all my sins. From today, I accept your son Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour, and I invite him into my life. I pray that you fill me with you Holy Spirit. I humbly ask you to take away all my anger and bitterness, and replace it with joy and happiness that comes from you. I pray that you give me the strength, wisdom, and all that I need, so that I can pass through this situation successful, for your name to be glorified. In Jesus mighty name I pray. Amen!" The easiest prayer is talking to God as if he is your earthly father, and he is just beside you. Feel very free to pour out all your agony to him. He is actually beside you, and listening to you, and will definitely respond to your lamentation.

C. HANDLING GUILT AND SELF-BLAME

When relationships end, people often blame themselves for the failure. While some guilt may be genuine; others are baseless. Your guilt is genuine if you had knowingly or unknowingly contributed to your separation. If the contrary is the case, then yours is unrealistic. A lot has been written already about this subject; here our attention would be focused on other ways of overcoming this poisonous feeling.

Quite often, when we hurt somebody, even if the victim of our action has forgiven us, we sometimes find it difficulty to forgive ourselves. This can sometimes apply when we hurt ourselves. Naturally, all the inflicted wounds cannot heal while we are still torturing ourselves with guilt and self-blame. Most unfortunately, an inability to forgive-either others or ourselves can be very detrimental to the realisation of our dreams and aspirations, because lack of forgiveness brings about hatred, and the latter gives rise to negative thoughts, which is one of the negative emotions, which obstructs imagination. Thus, aspirations and creativity will fly away beyond grasp.

Forgiveness involves both attitude and action. If you find it difficult to forgive yourself, just recall that you are just human, and are subject to making mistakes. Each time you commit an error, if you are to live with that guilt, it means, you only will live to think about guilt and self-blame.

The easiest strategy to apply to forgive yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings is to talk to yourself. When somebody offends you and you wish to reconcile, what do you normally do? I guess you usually create room for a dialogue with that person. Do the same with yourself; state clearly the reasons why you have to forgive yourself. You can even speak audibly. On doing this regularly, you will be very astonished to realise how relieved you will feel.

The second principle for handling guilt is to listen and heed to the advice of your loved ones whose opinions you cherish. Usually, their advice and actions would be based on their sincere love for you. In order words, their attitudes would be for your well-being.

The third technique has been mentioned already but deserves repeating here. It is for you to recognise the existence of human limitations. Whether you accept it or not, irrespective of how intelligent and wise you may be, you are never, and will never be perfect in all your words and actions. Hence, you are bound to be making mistakes. The most important thing is that, each time it occurs, you have to analyse it, correct it if possible, and look forward to the future.

D. FOCUS ON THE BAD MEMORIES

One of the main reasons people are devastated during separation is because they often re-picture all the wonderful moments together, and are afraid that such opportunities will never come their way again. Is this fear usually realistic? Fortunately, the answer is no, for what awaits them in the future might even be better than that of the past.

The second question that is rarely asked is, in our relationships, do we only have fantastic times? Like the first question, the answer is no because sometimes, the black moments might have been very dark-some, very dark indeed. Quite often, the negative moments-though in some relationships appears less frequently than the good ones, but when surfaced, are very distressful.

Consequently, during separation-separations that are beyond retrieval, if people can pause a second, instead of concentrating their energy to remember the good times, they ponder over the bad moments, the situation would be less heartbreaking. I know that many people would disagree with me, for they will think that it would worsen the situation. I do not share their opinion because thinking of the bad moments, and seeing the separation as a liberating opportunity-in some cases they are, will surely give the feeling of relief and optimism. Hence, instead of fear, anger and bitterness, there will be the feeling of liberation and that of hope for the future.

E. IMPORTANCE OF SELF-CARING ACTIVITIES

As previously stated, among other things, self-isolation and neglect generally characterised the period of separation. Very regrettably, this can intensify our negative feelings about the dilemma, prolong the period of suffering, and worsen the effects of the predicament. Conversely, the yoke of the torment of separation can be broken if the opposite attitude is adopted. In the deplorable circumstance that might confront us, which is not always easy, with determination, it is quite possible to overcome the trauma of this phenomenon, if the importance of the self-caring activities is realised. Below are some of the self-caring activities.

1. The company of good, sensitive, and caring friends-with their discussions and advises, you can be comforted and thereby be relieved from the negative emotions.

2. Joining a group that relates to your passion could be relaxing; consequently, relieve you of your distress.

3. Join divorce's group, if there is one in your neighbourhood, because listening to others' experiences could make you to see things differently. You might even realise that your situation is better than most others. This discovery can give you a great relief. Besides, some advises given by the group could be priceless.

4. If you are a Christian, attending church's services regularly and participating in church's activities can be very advantageous, because you are likely to meet somebody who will take interest in you and in your problem, or somebody who have gone through your experience. With his or her advice and concern, you will realise that, there is somebody who cares for you. This has a tremendous positive effect on your emotion. Among other things, church fellowship is to support each member, providing moral, material, and spiritual help whenever necessary.

5. During separation, with anger and bitterness, guilt and self-blame, frustration, fear, and other consequences mentioned previously, a lot of energy is consumed. The replenishing of this lost energy is very necessary. Hence, it is important for you to recognise that eating food of high nutritional values will enable you to achieve this objective, thereby making you to feel better. Conversely, inadequate or improper nourishment can intensify your emotional stress. Quite often, people undergoing separation lost appetite. If this is your case, just force yourself to eat, and eat well.

F. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

Birds sing of the glory, faithfulness, and the greatness of God. Ocean Flowers smile, expressing their joy and excitement for God's majesty and limitless love. All creatures-both great and small, except mankind express God's supremacy and care in one way or the other. Surprisingly, human is the only creature whose focus is directed only to their negative perspective.

Generally, more than ninety per cent of our daily needs are granted. Very astonishingly, we often ignore this, but concentrate our thoughts and emotions on less than ten per cent that we lack. Does this not indicate our ungratefulness to God? I think it does; for, considering all that God has done for us, we suppose to always be happy and grateful for his generosity.

This also applies to your present condition. As much as I acknowledge the importance of a successful relationship to your life, I equally believe that there are other spheres of your life that God has blessed you enormously. These areas among others include: your children, your loved ones, your career, your daily needs, and most importantly, your health.

Do you realise that as you are reading these lines, there are hundreds of thousands of people in your country who are struggling with serious sicknesses, if not death? There is equally innumerable number of people who are anxiously praying for just some of the things that God has blessed you with. Do you think that you are better than them? If your answer is yes, I doubt that very much, except if you can say what you have done to deserve it. All that you have, or are, God graciously give them to you, or make you who you are. As you are encountering this difficult period, or any other, just purse a second and think of everything that God has graciously blessed you with. Do not forget that, as long as there is life, there is always hope. So, before you allow the distress of separation to suppress you, and kill your dreams, just count all your blessings, and your blessing will abound. God bless you!

Relationships - Why Can't We Live Without Them?

"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration." (Perl S. Buck)

Perl S. Buck has written these wise words long before research has confirmed that without good relationships we will not grasp completely who we are, we will struggle with mental problems such as depression or anxiety, and we might even get physically ill.

Human beings rely on significant relationships for all aspects of functioning and growing. Infants need the mother for regulating body temperature, breathing pattern, digestive system, and emotional states. Infants can't do it by themselves and are totally dependant on the mother to do it for them. Indeed, without parents the infant would die. When parents are caring and attuned to the child, its brain can develop structures that allow the growing child to integrate emotions, sensations, behaviours, and thoughts into 'neural networks' enabling the child to cope with stimulation and arousal that comes with engaging with the world.

Thus good enough relationships are the building blocks of one's sense of self and one's personality. They are so important for human beings that the need for attachments and attachment seeking behaviours between is thought to be hardwired in our brains as nature's way of assuring the survival of the species.

While the infant is unable to regulate his/her states without the parent's help, adults can do that - if they had good enough parenting - to a large extend themselves. Having said that, we never quite manage to regulate our states completely by ourselves. We always need 'the other' in some form for state regulation. Even the most independent person can not get on without anybody relating caringly to him/her. This links to the 2nd paragraph above and explains why often, when in a long-time marriage one partner passes away, the other follows soon after. It's almost as if the body, used to the partner's ability to regulate, goes into shock.

We need relationships to be happy, be well, and to stay alive!

How to Get Our Relationships Right

Relationship is the essence of human existence-God created us to have fellowship with each other, and also with Him. This implies harmonious co-existence between a couple, family members, friends and associates, neighbors, and all those we are directly or indirectly in contact, ourselves, and above all with God.

With complexities surrounding human existence-different culture, family background, values, striving for survival, urge for recognition, our egotism, ignorance of the importance of self-love, etc; the achievement of harmonious co-existence, which our survival both here on earth, and having eternal life hereafter depends, is a Herculean huddle-one that we should strive to overcome.

How could this be achieved? You may ask. Jesus answered your question when he gave the "Golden rule" in the Gospel of Luke 10:27, which states, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind. And you must love your neighbor just as you love yourself" (The Living Bible version).

The just-mentioned rule portrays three types of relationships: with God, neighbours (all other men and women), and ourselves.

Quite often, many people believe that their relationships with God is the starting point to getting their relationships right. What do you think? Personally, I believe that inevitably, we have to begin from ourselves, because first, as we cannot give what we do not have, we cannot love others if we do not love ourselves-a principle that most Christians ignore (because of the doctrine of self-denial), and others misunderstand; yet, it is very important to our relation with both God, and other men and women. Second, it is not possible to love whom we have never seen-we have never seen God; our basic knowledge of God starts from ourselves, because he created us in His own image.

Before loving ourselves, it is imperative to know our identity. If somebody asks you who you are, what would be your answer? I guess that you will identify yourself with your profession, family, birthplace, nationality, and even personality, to mention but a few. While these characterise identity; none relates to our subject, or our real identity, which is embedded in our Creator and his purpose for our lives.

Our ultimate identity is who we are in God. We are the beloved children of God whom he created in his own image, and whom he loves infinitely. He demonstrated his love for us by sacrificing his only Son Jesus Christ on the cross for our sins, so that we might have an intimate relationship with Him. On the cross, Jesus died a very shameful and humiliating death on our behalf, just to pay the price for all our misdemeanours. This is just our limited knowledge of God's love for us-limited knowledge because we are finite beings. It is only God that is infinite.

God loves and cares for all areas of our lives: spiritual, emotional, material, physical, relational; the list is endless. This is the reason he invites all those with heavy burden to come to him; that he will liberate them. Heavy laden here embraces all spheres of our daily lives.

When we become conscious of the infinity and unconditional love of God for us, and then accept that love with humility, we will find it easier to open up to him, and entrust our lives, career, family, future, etc. to Him

On discovering who we are in God, we will appreciate our person-every aspect of our lives: personality, strength and weaknesses, physique, and so on. Whomever God has made us to be, and whatever abilities he has given to us; is to be used for the accomplishment of his Will for us in particular, and that of the humanity in general.

How is your relationship with God? Is it cool, warm, or hot? God expects only a very warm relationship with him. Warm relationship with God radiates automatically to that with ourselves, and others.

When we understand the facts mentioned above, we will accept ourselves as we are; thus, loving ourselves profoundly. Our relationship with ourselves is the determinant of that with God, and others, because it is the root of our values; hence, it affects all other relationships, including even the inanimate ones.

With the discovery of our identity in God, and our love and openness to him, it would be much easier to love others, as we know that God has commanded us to do so, and that he created them in his image. When we love our neighbours as ourselves, opening up to them becomes quite easy. It is important to point out that; opening-up to others is risk-taking, because as William Shakespeare says in Julius Caesar, "There is no art to tell the mind's construction in the face, he was a gentleman in whom I built an absolute trust", sometimes, many people may not actually be who they may seem. Nevertheless, the ultimate solution is asking God for Divine guidance.

However, to foster an intimate relationship with God, others, and ourselves there are four questions we need to ask ourselves:
- When we retire to the solitude of our bedroom, what are our dominant thoughts?
- How do we communicate with ourselves?
- Can we easily forgive both others and ourselves?
- When we sin or hurt others, do we have the humility to apologise, and ask for forgiveness?
On analysing our answers to these questions, we will see the necessity to open-up to God, and others.

Now, it is important to discus a subject whose importance to our topic is paramount, because without it, our relationships as God expects of us will never be right. This subject is forgiveness.

Forgiveness is 2-dimensional-outward and inward. Unfortunately, most people only think about the outward forgiveness, which involves God's forgiveness, forgiving others, or others' forgiveness. While this is very important to getting our relationships right, inward forgiveness-forgiving oneself is equally very important.

In spite of our daily disobedience to God, on apologising to him, asking for forgiveness, he unconditionally forgives us, and with the blood of Jesus, he erases out completely all our transgressions. Repentance, which is the complete turning away from our action or the path that led to our forgiven action, should follow forgiveness.

Another aspect of outward forgiveness is when we have been offended; irrespective of the seriousness of the offense, if the offender apologises, it is imperative that we forgive the person, and this involves forgetting about the situation. Conversely, if our offender fails to apologise, it is advisable to create a situation for dialogue, so that the issue could be discussed, if possible settled.

I know that forgiveness is easier said than done. Nonetheless, knowing its advantages would encourage us to strive harder to achieve it. Advantages of forgiveness are; first, it sets us free from heavy heartedness, which could bring about sleeplessness, anxiety, even illness. When we fail to forgive, we suffer more than our offenders-we impose suffering on ourselves.

Second, we have to forgive because God commands us to do so; else, he will not forgive our innumerable sins, and this will obstruct our relationship with him; thereby, preventing our prayers from being answered. Lack of forgiveness could be an obstacle between God and us. The feeling of emptiness and misery that ensue by distancing ourselves from God is the last thing we should desire, as in our daily life, we are marching towards our ultimate destiny-answering our master's call; when we will have to give an account of our stay here on Earth.

Also when we offend others knowingly or otherwise, it is necessary that we have the humility to apologise to the offended, and ask him or her for forgiveness. If the person refuses to accept our apology, that would be left between him or her, and God. Before God, we have played our part-heeded to his command. Apology is a practical manifestation of humility and boldness, and not a weakness. God blesses the humble.

These lead us to the inward aspect of forgiveness. Sometimes, when we offend God, or others, even after they have forgiven us, we find it very difficult to forgive ourselves. Our inability to forgive ourselves is even more dangerous than failing to forgive others, because besides all the disadvantages of not forgiving others, it can slowly, but consistently destroy our self-confidence, and deprive us from discovery our identity in God, which is paramount to all achievement. You cannot forgive others without being able to forgive yourself, because you cannot give what you do not have.
As it is often said, "Charity begins at home"; thus, for you to love others, you must first love yourself, and this is also applicable to forgiveness.

One of the most effective ways of liberating oneself from the burden of inability to forgive: inward, and outward forgiveness, is to share it with a trusted person-partner, intimate friend, family member, associate, Pastor, or whomever, you think would have the patience to listen to you, and encourage you to open-up, without condemning you. How could this set you free? It is because as you harbour the bitterness and anger in your heart, it remains a secret, and Satan: Master of secrecy, uses that issue to condemn you-making you to feel guilty, worthless, helpless, and hopeless. By talking about those issues, you destroy Satan's chances for manipulation. Most importantly, praying after having exposed it, God will flush out the heavy heartedness, and illuminate your heart and mind.

I have been trying very hard, but could not forgive, you may point out. Do not despair, for you are not alone. Majority of people have the same experience. Personally, quite often, I have to struggle before I can forgive. Forgiveness does not come naturally, but by Divine grace. The good news is that, God whose desire is for all his children to have a forgiving heart is ready and willing to give us the Spirit of forgiveness, if only we ask him with humility, and have a burning desire for it.

It worth pointing out that acquiring the said Spirit does not come so easily; it is a slow, sometimes painful, and a progressive process. This is so because on asking God for the Spirit of forgiveness, he will expose us to situations that, on passing through them, we will acquire it. Even after obtaining, we will still have to nourish it for growth. This would be done, only as we would be regularly exposed to difficult situations that necessitate forgiveness. Jumping such huddles brings about the gradual strengthening of our Spirit of forgiveness.

You do not have to wait until you are offended before you seek the Spirit of forgiveness, because by then, it might be more difficult, if not impossible to acquire it. As it is often said in Africa, "It is better to find a black goat, when it is not yet dark", I implore you to pray and ask God for the ability to forgive, no matter the circumstance.

May the Almighty God; Creator of Heaven and Earth and all therein, whose supremacy, love, grace, and mercy abound, grant us the ability to obey His command to love him with all our heart, and with all our soul, and with all our strength, and with all our mind, and also to love our neighbours just as we love ourselves. Amen!

Ladies - Does Your Ex Still Have Feelings For You? Watch For These 3 Signs!

OK, you have broken up with your ex whether he was your boyfriend, your husband or lover. Things have been a little shaky, you have had problems moving on or you just do not want to give up on the relationship.

You know that you still love your ex but you are wondering does your ex still have feelings for you. You want him back but you do not know if he also wants to get back together with you.

You may think men are hard to read when it comes to their feelings and emotions. Yes, we try to keep our emotions in check, but we tend to revert to child-like ways of showing we have feelings for the opposite sex. This is also true in the case we still have feelings for our ex love.

5 Signs-Does Your Ex Still Have Feeling For You?

1. Your Ex is Showing Off in Front of You.

No, he may not be doing cartwheels like a child in front of you.

What he will do though is brag about something is he doing or something that makes him look good. He wants your admiration, he wants the same feelings you showed him in the beginning of your relationship. That is a very important sign that he still have feelings for you.

2. Is There a Spark in His Eyes?

Did you notice a "spark" in his eyes when you both started dating?

The next time you talk to your ex face to face, look at his eyes. Do you see the same spark, do you notice his eyes are following you around, is his eyes "smiling"?

It is amazing what a man eyes will tell you when he does not know you are observing them.

The eyes are a "peephole" into a man feelings.

3. Does He Show Up "Accidentally" Where You Are?

If you looking for an obvious sign does your ex still have feelings for you, then this is it.

He is showing up at your regular "hang-outs" because he still has feelings for you and wants to rekindle the relationship. Your regular "hang-outs" could be anywhere that he knows you will be such as the grocery store, mall, park, etc.

The big question is not "does your ex still have feelings for you", but do you want to get back with your ex. If that is the case, then you need a strategy or plan to get your ex back. It is possible to get back with your ex and be happy again!

Pitfalls in Building Relationships, Commitment, and Love - Starting With G

We continue this series suggesting how to avoid many pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. You may know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to make such relationships happen. But we do have many suggestions that focus on potential problems. We center on gloat, gossip, and grim.

G is for gloat. Gloating is one of the worst things you can do. Don't be happy for other people's misfortunes. Sooner or later the worm may turn and they may remember you and your lousy attitude. A few winters ago I slipped and fell in a commercial parking lot. The worst was this old guy who started laughing. It wasn't even as if he knew me. Another gloating story. Years ago I took a cross-country skiing class for beginners and we faced a rather steep icy hill. I took off my skis and walked gingerly down the hill accompanied by the jibes of this guy who I didn't even have the pleasure of knowing. He was proud that didn't have to take off his skis. Can you guess what happened? Did I gloat? Did I gloat. But if he hadn't opened his yap I would have kept mine shut (and frankly not gloated to myself.) It could have been me. Actually it was. Don't gloat. Usually.

G is for gossip. I really don't care what Brittney Spears is doing. Why bother, I have my own problems. But there is another kind of gossip that is more insidious, gossip involving people we actually know. Why is it that the dirt on Ginette and George is so interesting to so many people? So Ginette and George have trouble in their marriage. Why should that affect me unless by some stroke of chance I could help them? Of course you know the old joke about the reformed gossiper. "I never talk about anyone unless I have something good to say. And boy am I keeping quite about Gail."

G is for grim. Get a life. Get a smile on that mug of yours. You're going to paralyze your facial muscles by looking so down in the dumps. And one of the worst things about being super negative is that when you have something to be legitimately unhappy about, no one will believe you. It's that story of the boy who cried wolf all over again. Yet there is something so human, so natural about nasty behavior. Try a scientific experiment. Read one of Grimm's fairy tales such as Hansel and Gretel to some little kids, not disturbed or abused little kids but ordinary little kids who have a fairly good life. See how they react when the wicked witch climbs into the hot stove. What do you want to bet they take pleasure in her untimely, albeit somewhat justified end? But unless you are living a fairy tale, don't be grim.

Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.

Learning More About Power and Control in Relationships

Maintaining control of yourself while in a relationship with a woman is crucial to its success and your happiness.

It's perplexing why many men just don't understand how crucial it is to maintain control or opt to sidestep its value. They often try to control the women they're with and have some aura of power over them.

It is a vital mistake and almost impossible to reverse once the damage has been done. By learning not to make that mistake from the start of a relationship, men end up having more control of themselves and having a happier relationship.

But maintaining power control in a relationship is mostly about you and not the woman you are spending time with.

Some say that the more control and power you have of yourself during a relationship with a woman, the more likely it will be that you will have more power in the relationship. Women in these situations tend to give up that power and control in the relationship.

But, if you purposely set out to have control over the woman you are seeing, it will not be so easy a task. The key is to focus on you through the power and control of the relationship.

By focusing on maintaining that control and power in yourself, your place in the relationship around you simply grows stronger. You will feel better about your situation and confident in what you are doing.

Any attempt to control her will cause you to lose focus on your original goal of maintaining power of yourself. This creates a weakness within you and ultimately will cause you to lose power and control in the relationship.

By focusing just on yourself, you will find more and more women in your life wanting to help you grow.

Traits of a Healthy Relationship

It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be. Here are some traits which can tell you whether you are in the healthy relationships.

Trust and support each other. Support your partners' goals in life, and respect their right to the feelings, opinions, friends, activities and interest. Partners value differences rather than use them to separate and cause conflict.

Adopt effective communication skills. Those who are able to openly express their feelings in an emotionally safe environment typically deal with situations as they come up and avoid burying frustrations which always have a way of coming out at some point. Each is able to express their thoughts, feelings and needs without fear of being judged.

Negotiation and fairness also can suggest the healthy relationship. Each is willing to compromise, accepting change, and seeking mutually satisfying solutions to conflict.

Be able to take responsibility for your behavior. Sometimes, once we've taken responsibility for all our own behavior, we can see clearly that our partners in the relationship are the ones who are acting out. But only when we take responsibility for our behavior, issues, and needs enough to trust that we are safe can we respond with number eleven.

A healthy relationship is not a power struggle. The two of you don't have to think the same way about things.

A healthy relationship is not symbiotic. You do not have to feel the same way about all things.

Use good conflict resolution skills. Conflict is an almost inevitable part of relationships, especially in relationships where the partners rely on each other and are emotionally close. They key to strengthening a relationship is not to avoid conflict, but to resolve it in a mutually satisfactory way. It is important, therefore, not to judge or blame, or to look for victory when a disagreement arises.

In the healthy relationship, the partner enjoys each other's company, and look for opportunities to socialize, play, and have fun together

Talk and act in a way that promotes both partners' feelings of safety in the relationship. Both should feel comfortable and safe in expressing him/herself and in engaging in activities.

Healthy relationships are characterized by respect, sharing and trust. They are based on the belief that both partners are equal, that the power and control in the relationship are equally shared. The aforementioned traits are the integral parts of the healthy relationship.

How to Deal With Narcissists

To get us started, I will give you the actual psychiatric definition of someone who has the Narcissistic Personality Disorder just to make sure I don't leave anything out. This comes from the standard text, the DSM-IV, which psychiatrists use to diagnose people. Here's their definition:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, as indicated by at least five of the following:

1. a grandiose sense of self-importance

2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

4. requires excessive admiration

5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

7. lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

Have you ever met someone with at least some of these qualities? Chances are you were dealing with someone who was at least slightly narcissistic. I think what defines a narcissistic personality is someone who thinks they truly are, "the bee's knees". They think they are better than everyone else, deserve special treatment, and seem to live in their own little world. In common parlance: SELFISH. There's usually an 'entitlement' thing going on; where he/she acts like a king or a queen and expects people to drop everything to 'serve' him/her.

Unfortunately, many women have the experience of being raised by parents like this and/or being in friendships and intimate relationships with such people. They come to therapy feeling 'crazy' because they are angry with such people, yet don't think they should be because the narcissistic person has convinced them otherwise.

I'll give you an example. A client of mine, let's call her Linda, came to me because her husband had been having an affair with another woman and told her he wanted a divorce. They had two children who had just reached adulthood and no longer lived with them. Linda felt like she'd been hit in the head with a sledgehammer. When she got angry with him for being unfaithful and expressed her sense of betrayal and hurt, he said that she "deserved it" for being such a "lousy wife" for all the years they had been together. Also, he called her "frigid" and said that since she wouldn't provide sex, he was forced to find it somewhere else. He actually saw himself as the victim, not her, and believed that she had caused him to have an affair with another woman.

Not only that, but he called her "crazy" for being so emotional and said he thought she needed "professional help." He took absolutely zero responsibility for his behaviors, lacked empathy for the wife he had betrayed, and even blamed her for his unfaithfulness. He even said he realized that he was "too good for her" and was wasting his time with someone so "beneath" him.

When his children reacted with horror and devastation he called them "wimps" and thought they were being "selfish" for not being happy for him now that he had "set himself free and found happiness."

I could go on, but you probably get the gist of it by now. This guy definitely meets at least five of the criteria for "narcissist"! You've probably dealt with someone like this yourself- unfortunately, they're everywhere. My work with Linda focused on helping her to trust her own reality; that what she was feeling was not only sane, but normal. She felt unheard, abandoned, betrayed, and blamed for things that she wasn't responsible for. In therapy, I gave her the space she needed to feel her feelings and have them validated and to differentiate between what was "his stuff" and what was "her stuff."

Since she had no contact with him, I suggested that in order to find closure with her marriage and to move on, she could write her ex letters saying whatever she needed to say and not mail them. This is a very helpful technique for dealing with 'unfinished emotional business' when the other person is either not available to do this with, or not safe emotionally. Boy, did she have a lot to say! She wrote and wrote until she could write no more.

I also got her to examine all of the things she had internalized that he had said about her and to find the faulty reasoning in each of them. In this way, she was able more and more to externalize all of the 'garbage' that she had taken in from him and put it back squarely onto the shoulders of the one whom it belonged to- him.

Narcissists are some of the most frustrating and crazy-making people to deal with in the universe. My hope is that you have no clue what I have just spoken about because you've never experienced it, but I bet you do know from personal experience. Narcissism abounds in this crazy world of ours.

In order to protect yourself from people like this, use the criteria for narcissism listed at the beginning of this article to discern whether someone in your life may be narcissistic. Then do whatever you have to do in order to protect yourself from being a victim of this person and their insanity. There are a lot of good books and websites out there, which will help you in this vein. I suggest doing a search on the internet or on your local library's catalogue. Read as much as you can. Educate yourself. Then take the steps necessary to protect yourself and your children (if they are affected). It may be helpful to see a reputable psychotherapist as they will be able to give you helpful tools to learn self-care in the face of narcissistic personalities. Sometimes this means getting away from these people all together, and sometimes you can have milder but distant contact. The most important thing to remember in dealing with these people is that it is them who has the problem, not you.

How to Get Over an Ex Girl Friend

Breaking up in any relationship is hard and especially when your breakup is with a girl friend it is very tough to get over an ex girlfriend from your heart and soul. Everything around you is dull and meaningless and you find solace only when you are isolated from the world round you which keeps reminding you of your beloved every second.

The best way to get over her thoughts from your mind is to face the true facts honestly and sincerely. You can never forget or get over your ex girlfriend by just keeping her off your mind which is very difficult. You have to look at her thoughts right in the eye and access your feelings towards her. Slowly see how much she has occupied your life and accept the emptiness she has left behind and then try to see how liberated you are now that she has left you for good. You will be surprised to see how much you had been bonded and life itself was a great misery when she was around. Constant fear of breakup would have driven you crazy and you could have compromised many times just to make it work for you and her. But now you are a free bird who has dropped all bondage and is free for life.

Once you realize relationship is a bondage you will accept and move on and enjoy your new found freedom. The future is full of pleasant surprises and innumerous possibilities. You might find a better girl or just decide to stay cool and away from any serious relationship. The complete choice to rule your world is yours whereas your girl friend ruled your world previously.

When you face the reality and analyze the situation you will find a long lasting solution but then when you just push back her feelings then and there it is sure to backfire and you will one day find yourself hopelessly in need of her and her relationship. Facing the truth understanding the facts and analyzing the events and make you a better matured person who is brave to walk out as well as he walked in into a relationship.

It is not important why she left you and thus don't try to find a feasible answer. Even if you get an answer you will still be miserable and feel even worse and will still have more doubts to clear and many questions to ask. She on her part might have 1001 reasons to call it quits, while you still have just one reason to stay together and that is love. So face the reality, understand the truth and move on in your life which will find greener pastures and many happy moments without her.

Just think of all the happy moments you can spend without fretting and fuming on someone who had always given you a lot of tension and headache. Don't compromise with someone who treated you so badly and made you look like a fool in leaving you for no good reason. Rather live on and show that your relationship with her or the breakup didn't really affect you. Look out for new friends, enjoy your aloneness, think of other ways to engage and keep you happy. Get over your ex girlfriend and live the life you deserve.

Getting Over Your Ex Girlfriend

'It's over' two little words are what were needed to end your relationship with your sweetie. You just can't get over your ex girlfriend. Your world collapses and you are under great pressure to even beg her to come back to you as ever. You would do anything and everything at this situation to make things work as before and at any cost want to get her back.

The comfort zone is lost and you can't even see sunlight peeping in to make things better.
There is no hope and all that can be done is to forget her, which in all way looks like the end of the world for you. What can be done at this point? Is there a magic moment to make this happen and is it possible to forget someone who was life and soul all these days. Here is the blue print which can help you not only to forget but also to start a whole new life ahead in no time.

Stop idolizing her

Stop idolizing her by making great fuzz over her things and by gazing at her picture non stop. She deserves no such special attention and stop attending her calls or expecting a come back by running to the door every time it rings. Don't crucify yourself for someone who wasn't worth your kind attention and love.

Finish it once and for all

Try to get a final closure from her and allow her to make the statement that she didn't really love or find some excuse to justify her stand. Listening or encountering such a truth will give you more strength to face the reality and reconcile with the fact that she is no more in your life. You need to get over your ex girlfriend. Therapists are of opinion that closures are very powerful healers and people start accepting facts after that.

Stop all communication

When you see that it is over don't try to get into her good books through mails, drunken calls, songs dedication on TV and radio, gifts flowers etc. confront the fact that she will never be there for you and even if she changes her mind after all your begging and crying it is only going to be a temporary reprieve. Be very strong and make her realize and understand that you can pass her on as much as she did to you.

Write your way out

Try to pour out whatever comes to your mind in a letter and try to address every issue that cropped up in your mind and whatever you wanted to tell her and make her understand. Just write the letter and dispose it but don't definitely mail her a copy as it will be looked upon as very silly and meaningless attempt and you might be even mocked at. Just like the letter burns or tears apart your grief will definite dissolve.

In order to get over your ex girlfriend, you should try to avoid all kinds of incidents which will remind you of your ex. Keep cool always think that you are the best person who deserves a much better partner than the one you just lost.

How Can I Know He's Really Divorced?

Why would you need access to divorce records? Besides genealogical research, many people want to know if their significant other is telling them the truth. For instance, imagine you have been dating someone for a period of time, and you are beginning to think about marriage. You want to know if his divorce really went through, or if you are just beginning to date someone who says he's divorced. You may even want to know if your child or friend is dating someone whose veracity you doubt. You want to check on it to make sure he is telling the truth and that you or they are in a relationship that you feel comfortable with. If you feel like asking is just not enough and you need proof, you can obtain divorce records.

One option is to go to the court where the divorce proceedings took place. You can also try town or city clerks and request that they run a quick search for you. You will probably need to submit a written request and pay a fee. But all this difficult is compounded if you don't know the city or district where the divorce case was heard or you don't know the date. You may not want your significant other to know you're checking up on his story, so you may not feel comfortable asking for that information. Where does that leave you?

There is hope. The internet has made most things easier, and looking for public records is no exception. There are numerous sites now that offer public records searches. If you find such a reputable site, you can simply enter in the name of the person you are looking for. The site will search millions of public records to find what you need and then some. For a small fee, you can purchase a report that has birth records, marriage records, and hopefully divorce records. You can get all of this with just one search, and the information contained in the divorce record can be very illuminating. Online public records search sites make it infinitely easier and faster to search for any kind of records, even divorce records.

It is perfectly legal to run a divorce records search. The information is public and so is accessible to anyone willing to look and pay for it under the Freedom of Information Act. If you need to know if someone is telling the truth about his/her divorce, this can be the quickest way to get answers.

A Bullet Proof Relationship - The 8 Principles Summary

A few months ago an article was published on the 8 principles of having a Bullet Proof Relationship. A series of 8 articles was published afterwards that describes these 8 principles in detail. Maybe you have lost out on many of these exciting principles, maybe you have never even read one of them, but this article will contain a very sweet, short and yet, very powerful summary on these 8 principles. These principles are not a quick fix idea on relationships but is rather something that, if applied and integrated into ones life, will revolutionize a relationship forever. Following are the a summary of the 8 principles.

Principle #1: Joy Joy does not exist in any form. It cannot be borrowed or taken form a certain place. It is within us. The transformational power of joy lies in it when we can demolish boredom in a relationship despite difficult circumstances. Never become bored!

Principle #2: Faithfulness Faithfulness is to do what you said you will do. The transformational power of faithfulness lies in keeping your word in the smallest of things. Keeping your promise acts like deposits into an emotional bank account. Develop integrity!

Principle #3: Gentleness Gentleness is about becoming aware of the small things in others as well as your own life. It is the small things in life that we remember the best. The transformational power of gentleness lies in becoming aware of these small things and then to act on them. Act!

Principle #4: Goodness Love is not always soft. Sometimes love needs to be tough for it to fulfill its purpose. Many times offence arises from goodness, but offence is never given; it's always taken. The real transformational power of goodness lies in it when we are corrected without taking offence. Accept appropriate correcting love!

Principle #5: Longsuffering Longsuffering is patience through difficult circumstances. It is active. It never plays the blame game and always forgives. The real transformational power of longsuffering lies in it when two people can have patience together by being active and without being resentful. Never quit!

Principle #6: Meekness Meekness is about becoming teachable. The real transformational power lies in it when you can let go of being right. It doesn't make you wrong; it just frees you from the attachment it has on you. Let go!

Principle #7: Temperance Temperance is about having control. Having control over our desires, feelings and thinking. It's about reaching your goal through control. The real transformational power lies in it when you allow the brain to serve its rightful position as organ. Say no/yes!

Principle #8: Peace Peace is about being free from any internal and external commotion and tension. It is not about not fighting. It's about identifying the landmines and then to execute them. The real transformational power of peace lies in it that all lasting change starts from the inside out. Find internal peace!

How to Be Liked by Females Instantly - Here Are the Real Secrets You Simply Can't Afford to Miss

Why is it that some guys are extremely effective when it comes to the matter of getting a female to like them while others just struggle? What special aspects do these men have due to which they are able to get any female out there to like them almost instantly. There are some keys which only a few men out there know using which anyone can make any girl to like them almost instantly. Read on to discover what these keys are and achieve earth shattering results extremely fast...

Have an interesting personality- The way you are and the way you behave has a lot to do when it comes to the matter of getting females to like you. You must develop a highly amusing personality which is naturally interesting. If you have something interesting to offer there is absolutely no way girls wouldn't like you.

Learn to make your talks real interesting- Never start a conversation with boring hi and hello and then drag it later. This is the reason why you must start your conversation on a strong note and your first impression should be strong. You should try to talk to her as if you have known her for ages. Doing this would make the conversation flow naturally and you will easily get the desired results.

Make her work- Learn to make her work to keep your attention. Always remember the more a woman has to work to get your attention the more she will think about you and the more she will like you. This is the reason why you should never act too easy to get as that's where all the magic ends.