The Wrath of the Penguin

Blue Book and I were playing stoop ball against Matt and Nate one Saturday and just as Blue Book went up to the wall to hit, a pigeon on the third floor released a thick wad that dropped down and landed right on top of Blue Book's head. Saturday was not one of his treatment days, so he was not wearing his felt snap-brimmed hat. He stopped in the middle of his approach to the wall and looked up.

I was leaning against a car waiting for my at-bat. He came over and pointed to the top of his head. "What is it?" he asked.

I said that it was a white and green substance. "With a touch of yellow," I said.

"Is it pigeon shit?"

I said that I thought it was.

"Which pigeon did it?" He was totally calm.

I pointed to three clustered together on the third floor cornice. The one in the center was puffed up and huddled into itself. It had ruffled feathers. "I think it was one of them," I said.

"Thank you," he said. He took a short run-up, and with all his force, hurled the spaldeen submarine-style up at the cornice. It landed right in the middle of the cluster--a direct hit. Feathers fluttered everywhere, two pigeons flew off in opposite directions and the sick pigeon dropped straight down and landed at the base of the wall.

"You son of a bitch!" Blue Book howled and he kicked the pigeon fifteen feet through the air right over the head of an old lady in a wheel chair who was being wheeled uphill along West End Avenue from 87th Street by a stout lady in a corset and a white nurse's uniform.

The old lady sitting in the wheel chair was wearing a hat with a veil and didn't see the pigeon, but the lady in the nurse's uniform did. At the same time, she heard Blue Book howl and saw him charging toward her with a crazed expression. She released the handles of the wheel chair, fell over backwards and rocked back on her corset with her legs and stockings and undergarments raised high above her head.

Blue Book rushed into the gap between the nurse and the wheelchair and got in another kick. This time the pigeon arced out ten feet high over West End Avenue where it struck the windshield of one of the red and brown Orange and Rockland County buses that used to go up West End on their way to cross the George Washington Bridge to New Jersey.

The driver swerved instinctively and hit the pushcart of the sharp-tongued fruit and vegetable peddler we called Pop as he was maneuvering his cart laden with plums, peaches, cantaloupes and other rolling things downhill on West End Avenue towards 87thStreet.

It took fifteen minutes for the police to arrive and that whole time the driver of the bus was on his hands and knees looking under cars for the pigeon to try to prove his story.

Blue Book disappeared, I grabbed the wheelchair, which had started rolling backwards, and Nate and Matt helped the lady in the nurse's uniform back to her feet.

Years later, every time I read my kids the story of how Rumpelstiltskin flew into a fury, and stamped his foot so hard he sank into the ground up to his waist, and how he grabbed his other foot in both hands and tore himself in half, it always brought back the memory of Blue Book howling and kicking the pigeon that day and charging after it and kicking it again, this time even harder.

A Type of Woman Every Man Should Avoid - The Mummy

The Mummy is the type of woman who does not have a clue what passion is. She goes through life without ups and downs; she is just going through the motions. The poisonous effect of "The Mummy" is that when you hook up with her, you choose a life without passion.

The Mummy is never very enthusiastic about anything. When she wins the lottery she will say: "Well, that is nice." If you would give her a sports car on her birthday, she would just say "Thank you." and never mention it again.

The Mummy is neither very upset about the negative aspects of life. If she breaks a leg she will say: "Well, these things happen." If she hears that the Third World War has started, she will say: "That is a shame."

When you meet a woman who never shows any passion or emotion, you are talking to a Mummy. And if you decide to start something with her, for example because she looks good, you sign up for a life without passion.

Life without passion is no life at all. Life should be lives from the heart, by doing things you love to do, and by sharing your passion with other people. This is what makes life beautiful and valuable. With a Mummy this is not possible; she cannot relate to this.

For example, a Mummy will never initiate sex. She may offer her body to you when you ask for it, because she somehow knows it is appropriate in a romantic relationship, but while you are busy with her motionless body, she is making shopping lists. She does not reach orgasm and she neither likes nor hates sex.

Some men make the classical mistake, to think that when they get to know her better, this will change. That when you show her passion, in time it will be returned. But if you do not feel passion, you cannot give passion to someone else.

On occasions a woman can be mistakenly classified as a Mummy, when she has a bad day, or when you talk about things which do not interest her. Ask her questions: find out if she is OK, or if something bad just happened to her.

Ask her questions about her hobbies and passions, about what interests her. Only when you have found out that she does not have a bad day, and that she does not have any interests, hobbies, or passions, you can classify her as a Mummy.

If you do find out that she is a Mummy, stay away from her, because hooking up with her is like signing up for a life without passion, and that is no life at all.

A mistake many men make is that to think that if you get involved with a woman with problems, you can solve her problems and lift her up. The reality is that people with big problems will always drag you down, if you get close to them. Do not let this happen to you.

The Difference Between Wanting and Needing a Woman

How often do we hear in pop-songs, that a man needs a woman? Well, we hear it so often, that we hardly pay attention to it anymore. But if you are not careful, you will fail to see that it is a big treat to your happiness, to really need a woman, instead of wanting to be with her.

For a man, it is healthy to want a woman. But it is not good to need a woman. It is not good when you are convinced that you need one specific woman. Wanting is good, but needing is bad.

When you think you need a woman; that you cannot live without her, you are no longer her man, but you have become her slave. You are beyond help, and a thousand books filled with advice cannot help you anymore.

Any advice you give to men, about dating, relationships, and related subjects, only has meaning when it is given to a man who has a choice. The choice to say "Yes" or "No" to a woman. Without this choice the advice is totally useless.

The most powerful attitude you can display on the battlefield of love is the willingness to walk away from any woman who treats you in a way you don't accept, or who behaves in a way you do not accept from her.

When you want a woman but do not need her, and you are willing to walk away from her, you are in charge of your life. You are the master of your destiny. You are the man. You make the choices in your life, and you choose what is best for you.

But when you need a woman, you have no choice. You have to jump when she says "Jump!" She is the master of your destiny. She is in charge of your life. She makes the choices in your life, and will choose what is best for her.

Therefore, if you have ever been so deeply in love, that you felt that you needed a woman, pay attention to this principle. You have to be willing to walk away from ANY woman who does not behave in a way that is acceptable for you. Full stop.

I know this is a tough statement, but sometimes the truth is harsh. If you need a woman, you are no longer a man, but a slave. In that case, there is no use in reading advice about relationships. It would be more realistic to surf the Internet and look for a "slave-forum" instead.

Only Date Women Who Treat You With Respect

When you meet a woman, and you like the way she looks on the outside, you should always ask yourself one simple question: "Does she treat me with respect, or not?"
YOU should of course also treat women with respect, because if you don't, you are not really entitled to ask this question. If you want to be treated with respect by women, the first step should obviously be to treat women with respect.

The reason I talk about respect here, is that even if you refuse to socialize with women who do not treat you with respect, you will improve the quality of your relations with women tremendously.
Here are some examples of things to pay attention to; of behavior of women, that shows a lack of respect:
1. You go out to have coffee, and she just assumes that you will pay the bill, without asking you or bringing up the subject.

2. You hardly know a woman and she talks endlessly about her problems, and expects you to listen patiently.

3. She makes negative statements about men in your presence, like, "All men are selfish.", or "Men only want sex."

4. You have an appointment with her, and she shows up very late, and she does not apologize nor explain why she is late.

5. You are out on a date, and she talks continuously with girlfriends on her mobile phone, instead of talking to you.

6. She does not thank you when you drive her somewhere, hold something for her, or carry things for her. This is a sign that she thinks she has the right to treat you like her driver and butler.

7. She flirts with every man in sight, but criticizes you when you even look at other women.

8. Instead of using your real name, she makes up funny names for you, and uses these names to amuse herself.

9. She ridicules you in front of her friends, and laughs about your mistakes together with her friends.

10. She talks behind your back about you in a negative way, informing all her friends about things she hates about you.

By themselves these things may not mean much to you, but especially when she shows several of these behaviors, you are with a woman who thinks she can treat you with very little to no respect.
If you allow her to treat you without respect, she will in no time walk all over you, and put her wishes first, instead of talking with you about how the two of you want to have your relationship.
So when a woman starts to treat you without respect, you have to respond quickly, and there are only two constructive ways to react:
1. You tell her calmly that you do not accept to be treated this way, and that if she wants to be with you, she will have to change this.

2. You tell her that you don't want a woman who treats you without respect, and you walk away, and don't look back.

This may sound harsh, but when you allow yourself to be treated without respect, it will soon go from bad to worse. Because when you do not draw a line, when you do not give an indication about how you expect to be treated, some women will first test you and then walk all over you.
You can compare it with having a little wound on your hand. If you disinfect it quickly, it will heal soon, and you won't have any problems with it. If you don't disinfect it and pretend it is not there, you may soon have a big festering wound that will threaten your health.

Mostly, when a woman treats you without respect, she does so to test you. When you calmly correct her, you will gain her respect, and she will start to treat you with respect. Some women just plain refuse to treat men with respect, in which case you should walk away at once.
The thing to remember is this: women can only treat you without respect with your permission. Once you notice that a woman treats you without respect and you do not react to it, you give her the unspoken permission to treat you without respect.

If you want to improve the quality of your relationships with women, you should stop giving women permission to treat you without respect.

Coworkers - To Date Or Not to Date in the Workplace

To date or not to date in the workplace? A hot topic for some companies. It's gotten enough attention that there was a Grey's Anatomy episode where all the doctors and nurses were asked to complete a 'Love Contract.' Ironically enough, about 3 weeks before that episode aired, there was an article from a legal circular about companies using 'Love Contracts'. The purpose of a 'Love Contract' is to ask employees who are dating or have dated other employees to sign the contract acknowledging the relationship(s). By doing this, the company would be limiting its liability for any harassment claims that may result if the relationship happened to take a turn for the worse. Also, any disputes arising out the relationship would be held elsewhere and not at the place of work or the employee(s) could be reprimanded. Basically, employees are being asked to behave maturely throughout and/or after the relationship (what, some of us don't behave maturely when a relationship ends?!?).

Well, should coworkers date? I think it's fair to say that you work with your coworkers on a daily basis for more than 40 hours a week on average, and in some cases, you're working very closely with these coworkers. Regardless of the setting, be it the office, hospitals, restaurants, or retail, we all have coworkers that we see regularly. With that being said, it's understandable and inevitable that some coworkers are going to date, fall in love and marry other coworkers. At the same time, some coworkers are going to date, fall in love, and fall out of love or end relationships with other coworkers; the latter being more of a concern for companies, and one of the reasons the concept of a 'Love Contract' was developed.

So, if you are one who is contemplating taking the plunge, there are some things to consider before diving in completely.

Know your company's policy.

Some companies don't allow it. As mentioned previously, it's inevitable that it will happen, so just understand the consequences. What is outlined as discipline in the policy if it's broken? It's up to you to decide if the risk is worth it or not, especially if it could mean you'd lose your job. However, many companies allow it (and should) with certain criteria. For example, as long as the employee or contractor is not in the same chain of command or department with the other they're dating, then it's ok. If they are within the same chain of command, then the company will attempt to separate them into different departments if possible. If there's not another position for one of them, then one might be terminated. Again, you decide if it's worth the risk.

What if it doesn't work out?

You had the romance, what you thought was love, and you got married and lived happily ever after. But for some, the honeymoon ended. Now what? I'm not trying to be pessimistic here, but it does happen, and we're simply saying be aware of it. Could you still handle working with the individual? Well, if you wanted to keep your job, you'd have to, or you'd need to decide what's best for you to move on. We all know falling out of love is difficult, so use good judgment and get help if you need to get through it.

Business is Business.

Business is business. Personal is Personal. Well, that's easier said than done, but it's important to remember that you need to try to keep any issues and concerns from your personal life with each other out of the way of those at work. If you work in a place where everyone knows everyone else's business, well, enough said! It could make your life even harder if others, beyond close, trustworthy friends, know your 'personal' business. Be as professional as possible at work with each other.

So that's the skinny. In an ideal world, would we date coworkers? Maybe not, or if we did, it would always be perfect and break-ups wouldn't hurt (again, in an ideal world). In our world of reality, coworkers will date coworkers. We just need to be aware of the pros and cons and then go for it either way!

Types of Women Every Man Should Avoid - The Sad Switch

You can compare women with mushrooms, in the sense that most women are healthy and tasty, but some types of women are poisonous for men who get intimately involved with them.

One example of these poisonous types of women is the "Sad Switch." A switch is a woman who is never alone, she moves from one relationship to the next one, without a gap in which she is alone.

The Sad Switch is a woman who just broke up with someone, and now she needs warmth, sympathy, and a shoulder to cry on. She is not ready for a new relationship, but she wants someone to comfort her. For this purpose she recruits an "in-between-boyfriend."

The "in-between-boyfriend" is a very nice guy, who knows how to listen, who is very understanding, and very polite. He is the type of guy who will listen empathetically and patiently to any woman talking about her problems.

He is the perfect counselor, and he works for free! Women don't have sex with him; the vague mention of the possibility of physical contact somewhere in the future, when the grief is overcome, is enough to keep him listening attentively.

This very nice guy is often raised with the attitude that men should help women in need, that a good guy will always support women, and that when you see a woman cry, you should ask her how you can help her. This nice guy thinks that when he is nice enough, in the end he will be appreciated for this attitude, and she will give him her love.

Of course, this never happens. What happens is that when the Sad Switch has overcome her grief, she will ditch the nice guy, and look for an erotic contact with an exciting man. She never considered the "in-between-boyfriend" to be a potential partner, but just used him in the same way you use a box of tissues.

If the nice guy is properly brainwashed, he will think this was just bad luck, that the next woman he will meet, will treat him differently, and give him the love he deserves. But what will often happen is that he will meet the next Sad Switch, because they have a special radar. A Sad Switch can always spot the nicest guy in the crowd, just like a lion can always spot the weakest antelope in the herd.

If you are such a nice guy, don't take it personal. She never saw you as a person, but only as a disposable box of tissues. Do not confront her with this, there is nothing to gain. You have been used by a woman who does not feel any remorse about using you, and you cannot change the past.

Here is some practical advice for the "nice guys" who are at risk. Men who are most susceptible for being recruited as an
"in-between-boyfriend" are men who have low self-esteem, who have been raised with the idea that all women are angels. The classical "Nice Guys."

The best remedy you can use against the Sad Switch is this: when a woman talks to you about negative experiences with other men, you interrupt her, and you do not listen. You interrupt her and then you do one of the two following things:
1. You ask her: "Why do you tell ME all this?" or "What do you expect ME to do with this information?" This makes it clear to her that you have too much self-respect to allow her to dump all her problems in your lap.
2. You calmly tell her: "I think it is very disrespectful to talk to people you hardly know about your problems of the past. I would appreciate it if you would stop talking about these problems with me."

Refuse to allow women you hardly know to talk endlessly about the problems they had with other men. This will help you with two things:
1. It will make sure that the Sad Switch moves to a nicer guy with all her emotional garbage, so she won't poison your life. You will never again be used again as if you are a box of tissues.

2. You will gain the respect of women who are not the Sad Switch, but who were just testing your character. Sometimes ordinary women will test you this way. You pass their test by showing you have the balls to stand up for yourself.

Please remember that this only applies to women who want to use and abuse you. When you have good friends, male or female, who ask you to listen to their problems, just like they would listen to your problems, then of course you do that. That's what friends are for.

The "Fast Forward Technique" - A Strategy For Getting Over a Break Up

We have all heard the old adage "Time heals all wounds." But the fact of the matter is that when dealing with the pain of a break up, or any loss, we want the pain stop, and stop now.

Unfortunately, I do not have a magic button to push to make the pain go way.

I truly wish I did.

However, there is a process that you can use to "fast forward" through the hurt of loss and aid in the healing.

This process is called , the "Fast Forward technique" and is consists of the following 5 steps:

1. First Step: Everyone "feels" their emotional pain differently. Many feel it in the chest or heart, hence the term "heart break."

   However, you may be different. Take a moment to become aware of where you tend to feel emotional pain and then ask yourself (either aloud or inwardly) this question:

   Can I allow this feeling? - or -

   Can I welcome this feeling?

   Then answer the question. Whether it is Yes or No, does not matter.

2. Second Step: Ask Could I release these feelings? Again, a Yes or No answer does not matter.
3. Third Step: Ask Would I release these feelings?
4. Fourth Step Ask When?
5. Fifth Step Next examine your feelings.

Do they feel the same?

Has there been a subtle shift?

The shift will be different for everyone, but it is a sign that the healing process has begun.

It is a good idea to repeat this process through the steps two or three times a day until you feel the shift in your feelings has begun.

Given time, I truly believe you will be surprised by the results.

Finally, once you have had some distance from your relationship, and you have allowed yourself to begin to heal, you may find that you want to reconnect with your ex.

Loving and Hating

Do you love and hate? If you do, then you are very normal. If you just hated, or only loved, there would be consistency, but when you do both, the mind finds itself in conflict all the time, and this produces stress. So if you want to find the underlying cause of your stress, look no further than those things that you hate. And what you love, too.

When we love something, what happens? What happens is that we want to possess it. We want to hold it close, attach to it, and protect it. We want it to be a part of us. When we hate, we want to get as far away from the hated as we can, or even destroy it. These two feelings are quite different, but actually, they come from the identical root, they are two sides of the same coin. Because when we hold something close, when we love something, we become afraid of losing it, and this brings up jealousy, and jealousy, of course, is based on hatred as we become guarded and secretive.

Before we love or hate, however, we have to identify what it is that we hate or love. When we see a person approaching, we identify and classify the person through memory. If we classify the person as attractive and friendly, we might want get close to them. But if we identify the person as possibly dangerous, we will want get as far away as we can. This is what we do immediately after we see and identify anything; we decide whether we are attracted or repelled, or, many times, we are simply neutral.

We do this because we see ourselves as separate from what we observe. There is the subject; us, and the object; them. This is separation, conflict, and dualism (as it is called in Zen), and this separation, this delusion, leads to hating and loving.

Neutrality requires little thought and emotion, and thought and emotion are the next steps in the process. After we have identified something, and either feel attracted or repelled, our minds begin to think, to emote and plot how to either get closer to the object (if we love it), perhaps even own it; or, get away from the object if we hate it, and maybe even destroy it.

The process of deciding whether we are attracted or repelled by something, and then trying to own it, or kill it, puts us in conflict, which means that we feel stress. Then, coming to the rescue to relieve that stress is thought. That means that we can never be thinking and not in stress! If we find ourselves thinking nonstop, that means that we are constantly in stress.

This is why indecision about whether to love or hate causes stress for both the lover and the hater. If that person could simply love everyone and everything without having to make a decision about it, the stress would be relieved. The inference here is that we can love unconditionally, but how would we ever be able to do that? This means dissolving the barrier of subject and object. This is dissolving the self.

If we insist on conflict and dualism, then this is where the judgmental mind comes in. In Zen, they say that the judgmental mind is a diseased mind. They say this because, although we think that we can cure our problems and conflicts by satisfying our wants, the diseased mind is never be satisfied. Thinking that when we get what we want we will be satisfied, never materializes because that type of mind will find fault regardless of how flawless a person or thing might be, simply because the mind itself is diseased.

So how do we cure our disease? Zen also says, "All acceptance is the key to the gateless gate." In other words, there is no gate; only the illusory gates of our mind that discriminate.

All we have to do is see through the illusions. Then we can begin seeing anew. Meditation, the simple practice of watching one's breath, is a good beginning.

What Makes a Relationship Be Successful?

From the beginning you need to know if you are in a good relationship or should ask for help. So, to know this just answer some questions:

1. Are you happy?
2. In this relationship you feel you are yourself?
3. Do you think your partner treats you right?

I have meet couples that, at a first glance, seemed Ok but when you get to know them you realize that it is quite the contrary.

Let's see these questions:

1. Are you happy?

In order to be happy you need to have by your side a person to love you unconditionally and try to help you be a better person. To be happy you need to be free to make your own decisions, without being afraid that he/she does not agree.

You also need to have respect, sincerity and communication.

2. In this relationship you feel you are yourself?

Your partner needs to understand the differences between you and accept them. You should be free to express yourself even if he/she does not approve of it. Do not forget you have a relationship, you are equal and none of you should be bossy.

3. Do you think your partner treats you right?

In a relationship both partners are equal and neither of them must be a dictator. Your partner should be your lover and friend, be always there for you (even if you don't do things right) but also to stop you from doing something wrong, without being bossy.

If your relationship has the elements above, then you are lucky and your couple is a successful one.

How to Know If Your Ex Still Has Feelings For You - 3 Sure Shot Ways to Read Their Mind!

So are you going through a tough phase of your life? Are you having a hard time dealing with this whole breakup thing? Is it a big challenge for you both physically and emotionally? Well this is the time when you have to decide between moving on or getting back together with your ex. Often people feel that they should move on but they just still have strong emotional attachment with their ex due to which the just can not move on. But the main question here is does your ex still have feelings for you as well? Read on to discover some of the most easy ways to figure out whether your ex still has feelings for you or not...

Your ex just keeps on calling you- If your ex constantly calling you almost every single day? Does it seem like the relationship might be over but you are still doing what you would normally do when you were in the relationship? You see if this is the case then your ex definitely has feelings for you and maybe wants to get back with you as fast as possible.

Your ex is highly curious to know whether you have moved on or not- Does your ex constantly ask you whether you have started dating or not? Does he/she show which levels of interest in your personal life now? You see if this is the case then your ex is trying to get clues on whether you have moved on or not. You see this is normally done so that he/she can determine whether you are still available or not and they feel they might have a chance to get back with you once more.

If your ex constantly trying to make it up to you- Does it seem like your ex is a bit apologetic and is more or less trying to make it up to you. Does it seem like your ex realizes that he/she has made a big mistake and now is highly emotional towards you? You see if this is the case then your ex still has strong feelings towards you.

How To Manage Your "Intimate Relationships"

Being stressed over internal relationship situations is very common. If the situation with your partner is bothering you?, then there are several things you can do to make things better.

Sometimes the cause of problems between the partners are not personal issues, but rather outside issues. Such as work, social, economic problems. Not only do you feel irritated, but constant work pressure can lead us to ignore people we love. But before we step into the bitter, cranky zone we need to understand a few things.

If you have problems communicating with each other, and are having constant fights this will have a lot of effect on your sexual life. Not only will you feel less intimate with your partner, but the constant fear of things going the wrong way will be problematic. Once your sex life is disturbed the chances of you feeling more stressed out are high.

So here are a few solutions. Your relationship is in your hands, and instead of avoiding the awkward talks, try communicating. Sit down with your partner, and tell them how stressed you are about work etc. listen to their queries as well and, Remember they also have a issues. Try to see if anything is bothering them as well, they might be irritated by your behavior as well.

It is always better to talk and share your inner thoughts with your partner. It is essential to plan some time alone, try going for a drive, or for dinner, movies. All these things will work some magic to your relationships.

Do not overdo anything if you feel the current work pressure and problems are affecting your relationship do not panic. It is not late, talk things out, and do not rush into any major decision overnight.

Your partner probably understands your current situation, but talking to them is important. Make sure you laugh with them or share with them your fears, etc. touching them is one of the most important elements, give them a hug, or a kiss or wrap your arms around them. This will lead to a comfort level and remember, the love hormone oxycotin, it will be released. So both of you will feel happy and loved. Make sure you both cook food you enjoy eating. This will be a good chance to sort problems out.

Never ignore talks, this can lead to a greater damage in the future. Talking things out, even if they are bitter is the best way to avoid future damage. It is always good to buy your partner a present, when you feel you have been busy with work and have not been thoughtful. A small bouquet of flowers, or a box of chocolates or a new dress would not be a bad idea. This will give them the security that you care.

Everybody's Normal Until You Get to Know Them

Someone once remarked that everyone is strange, just in different ways. The older I've gotten, the more "opportunities" I've had to realize that this is true! Why are they strange? Most often because they don't think or act like we do. So that makes them strange - to us - just as it might make us strange to them. Thinking about that made me think about families. Who doesn't have a story to tell about a weird family member or one who drives everyone nuts? Or maybe they just drive us nuts.

One day as a friend and I were talking about families she said, "I've always thought that the term 'dysfunctional family' was redundant." Although we laughed, she went on to explain that all families are dysfunctional, just in different ways and to different degrees. And since she's the office manager for a group of therapists, she knows what she's talking about! She sees all shapes and sizes of families with all kinds and degrees of "dysfunction." Having that perspective sure makes me feel better about my own family!

"Everybody's weird," writes John Ortberg, in Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them. "This is such a fundamental insight, you may want to close the book for a moment and share this thought with the person closest to you," he continues. "Or the person it most reminds you of. Or perhaps these are the same person. Because we know in our hearts that this is not the way we're supposed to be, we try to hide our weirdness. Every one of us pretends to be healthier and kinder than we really are; we all engage in what might be called 'depravity management.'" And, I imagine, even the way we try to manage our depravity can be seen by other people as weird.

Ortberg points out that when a person's "weirdness" is made public, we're scandalized and say something like, "Can you believe it? And they seemed so normal." This happens when a high profile person is caught in a sex scandal or exposed as an embezzler. I recently discovered a childhood friend had embezzled a couple hundred thousand dollars and was going to spend some time in prison. I was shocked! It broke my heart to think of her family and children - why did she do it, what brought her to that point? She was so normal! Or as normal as any of us!

Sometimes other people's weirdness is really irritating to us. We can become angry or repulsed by it. So what do we do? We reject the strange, weird people who are so different than we are. We reject them when all they really want and need is the same thing we do -someone to accept them and let them know that they really are normal - just different. We can accept them with something as simple as a smile, a friendly look in the eyes, a touch, a helping hand. If we can learn to accept their "weirdness" then maybe we can learn to accept our own.

We used to live in western Kansas, which some people might describe as barren or even desolate. When we first moved there I might have agreed. But now when we travel through that part of the country I appreciate the openness. It is the same place, just viewed from a different perspective. What if we took the same approach with people? What's strange to one person is normal to another. While we think of strange as being "odd" it can also be defined as "extraordinary" - as in not ordinary. Our weirdness can, in reality, be our uniqueness. It's what distinguishes us from everyone else. The alternative would be a world filled with clones. And that would be really weird.

Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems

In relationship language, mothers and daughters are naturally bonded as the closest friends. Your daughter maybe your greatest pal but she could also be the most stubborn protégée to deal with. Your mom could be your highly acclaimed inspiration but she could also be too controlling and unfair sometimes. The world recognizes communication to be the paste between two people who are in a healthy relationship. When the bond is messed up due to misunderstandings and misinterpretations, then mother daughter relationship problems could potentially arise.

Mother daughter relationship problems can surface when two personalities are somehow different. Or it could also be possible to have a gap between a mother and a daughter if they're both egoistic, full of pride and self-esteem. When both parties are too pride-centered, there are tendencies of no amicable settlement for any family issues. Naturally, moms would understand their daughters' phase of goodness and rebellion, relationship matters, lifestyle approaches and interests in all fields. Any daughter is always on the lookout of satisfying a mother's expectations. There is that certain understanding that bridges both women of the earth, though, which settles all the trials that could come along.

If you are a daughter whose mom is inquisitive about your whereabouts, you must not take offense because she is just trying to get you on the safest circle. At times, teenagers nowadays take it against their parents if they are being a little strict with house rules. You must take into consideration that parents just desire the best for you. Parents, on the other hand, must not be too conventional and dominant in the way they deal with their kids. As a mom whose daughter is liberated, you can try to jam along with your daughter's lifestyle and befriend her rather than avoiding her to do what she wants. In case you try to take her out of her interests, there could be some mother daughter relationship problems in the long run.

In order to address mother daughter relationship problems, the line of communication must be kept open at all times. There has to be sincerity in both parties while respect has to be on top. Generation gap could be an issue but it shouldn't overrule a smooth-flowing interaction between a mom and her child. Such linkage between them is too strong and influential to be ruined by a single misinterpretation or mistake. As a mom, you should be talking to your daughter on a daily basis because that will strengthen your bond. It would also be wise and worry-free to accept your daughter's personality no matter how it is. Always guide your child with the proper values in a subtle way rather than commanding her to do this and that. There is no denying that mothers matter more than anyone in a woman's life except her better-half.

I Have Evidence Mothers Can Give the Curse to Child!

I have personally experienced the wonderful return of the mothers dreaded curse! My wonderful, beautiful daughter who gave me a run for my money raising her, has 4 children of her own now, ranging from age 11 to a new born. When my daughter was a teenager she was quite wild and thought she could do anything she wanted and that I was the dumbest person in the world. At that time I was holding a full time job, raising 2 children on my own and was struggling to make ends meet. A typical 5ft 3 inch, brown long hair, big blue eyes teenager! UGH!

Her wonderful friends, now there were a couple of friends she had that were very nice and respectful, but the other ones..... That is another story, too long to tell. But with the trouble she was in and the fact even cleaning her room was a chore, I was ready to pull my hair out. I finally one day blew and said, some day you are going to have children, and when you do I hope you have children just like you and even a little worse... I paused and though about that for a moment. Thinking I should take it back a little, so I told her I hope she had children just as stubborn as her. There I said it; I promised myself I would not do that! My mom gave me the curse too, so here we go again. I also told her there was a very wise person who said nothing is apparent until you're a parent, and that is very true.

My daughter grew up in spite of me and has a wonderful, beautiful daughter who is 11. She has beautiful long blond hair, big blue eyes, and towers over her mother. She is my precious little girl; she has made my heart melt with the love and kindness she gives out. But when she is at home, that is another story.. She does not clean her room, just like my daughter was. So last Saturday, my daughter told the children to go clean their rooms. The oldest grandson went to his room and got it cleaned up with his 2 year old baby brother, mom went in and vacuumed the floor and was very proud of them.

In the mean time my precious little granddaughter was rebelling and sitting on the living room couch watching TV. Her step dad and her mom tried desperately getting her to get in her room and clean it. After mom was done with the boys room, she and her husband went into the living room, picked up the daughter by each arm and escorted her into the bedroom and demanded she clean it so they could vacuum. They then closed the door and went into the living room to clean.

My awesome, beautiful granddaughter decided to let out a blood curdling scream that alerted even the neighbors. My daughter went into the bedroom and told her that was getting her nowhere with that attitude. Then a knock at the door, it was the police. They were summons to respond to a child being beaten or killed.

My daughter opened the door and started laughing, she said yes officer what can I do for you. The officer said that they had some complaints that a child was in danger there. She immediately went to the bedroom that my talented granddaughter was to be cleaning and told her that there was someone there to see her. She came out to the living room and there were the officers, they asked her if she had been beaten or abused in anyway, they looked her over for any injuries, then she had to explain why she let out that scream. She looked at them and said I did not want to clean my room and my mom was making me. The officers laughed and said you better start doing what your mom and step dad want you to do. She then went to the bedroom and started cleaning.

My daughter then called me while I was very busy and told me what happened and that I need to talk to her. I was laughing so hard remembering the day I gave her that curse, and hearing those words out of her mouth. I just had to say it, there was no getting around it, it just came out... I Told you! You should have listened to me! I gave you that curse remember! I told you someday you would have children and I hope they were just like you. She paused and said ok, now talk to your granddaughter before I do something like this to her! Do you think she will give my precious, beautiful, talented granddaughter this dreaded curse! Probably so.

Pitfalls in Building Relationships, Commitment and Love - Starting With R

We continue this series suggesting how to avoid many pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. You may know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to make such relationships happen. But we do have many suggestions that focus on potential problems. We actually have a double series of articles for the letter R. The focus here is on race and rage.

R is for race. I obviously don't have to tell you to avoid racism. We are in a different world than the one I grew up in. On more than one occasion when I commented that the most powerful woman in America was Black, meaning Condoleezza Rice people thought I meant Oprah Winfrey. Who can deny their talents? But there's more to race than racism. Don't race through life. Don't race through your meal to get back to your Blackberry. There's a time for picking strawberries with your kids and a time to pick through your Blackberry messages. And picking strawberries with your kids hardly counts if your mind or your fingers is on your Blackberry. On the other hand, the one without the Blackberry (unless you have two in which case read my advice twice), you shouldn't race through your work. Take some extra time and make sure that you do it right. Guess what, this may require you to bring your Blackberry home.

R is for rage. Don't go into a rage, even if it's all the rage. There's only one letter separating rage and rag. Raging is a ragged way to ride through life. There's only one letter separating rage and age. Losing it can have a serious impact on your health. I'm no doctor but I can guess that the spike in your blood pressure from a rage attack isn't good for your health. Usually. Story time: My brother-in-law, let's call him Joe worked for some people, let's call them thieves, in Los Angeles, three time zones away from us. One evening his ex-boss's wife called us in the middle of the night. Like it was midnight in L.A. and three in the morning in our neighborhood but she got the time difference wrong and thought that it was nine at night for us. Anyway, I kept calm and couldn't fall asleep for hours. A few weeks later she repeated the mistake, this time prefacing her conversation with "Do you know what happened to Joe?". She wanted us to "invest" some money. As soon as I found out that Joe was OK, I went into rage mode. I slept like a baby. And she hasn't called back since.

Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.

3 Stupid Mistakes You Should Never Make If You Want Your Ex Back - This Might Be Your Last Chance

In order to get your ex back you should be willing to do the things that are needed to be done but the fact is that most people end up doing the exact opposite of what's needed to be done due to which they completely screw up their chances of getting back with their ex. This is the reason why you should be aware of this before you end up making the same mistakes yourself. Read on to discover what these mistakes are and why you should never make them at any cost...

Sending them expensive gifts thinking they would come back- You can never buy back the love of your life. You see money will never make them come back no matter what you might do. You should try to think about where the relationship went wrong and try and work on that instead of trying to buy your ex back into the relationship.

Not admitting to your mistakes- This is another mistake a lot of people make when trying to get back with their ex. You must first determine where you went wrong and you should apologize for it instead of blaming your ex for everything. You see it's always easier to point a finger at someone then admit to your own mistakes.

Blaming your ex for your own misery- This is another thing a lot of people do and they try to make their ex feel guilty. Why would a person ever be willing to be around you when he/she has to feel guilty in your company all the time? You see this is the reason why you should never blame your ex for your present condition. You should rather forget the past and try to control your emotions.

3 Things Men Do Which Forces Girls to Reject Them - Alright! Now Pay Very Close Attention Here

There are things about guys which attracts women and at the same time there are certain things due to which women feel like running away. You see there are certain things some guys do due to which they literally force girls to reject them. These are the things you must spot as early as possible otherwise you might ruin your chances of being good with girls forever. Read on to discover what these things are and how you can avoid them...

Not knowing what to talk about- Have you ever stammered around girls when you did not know what you had to say? Didn't it seem like a very awkward situation and you just wanted to run away from it? You see screwing up around women like this would only make you come across as a big creep to them and they will try to avoid you at all possible costs.

Chasing her around like anything- Women do not like to be stalked. They don't want to be around men who just stick around like bad smell where there is nothing to talk about. You see if you feel that it's not working you should leave the girl alone and go approach some other girl. Sticking around too much when she is trying to avoid you will only worsen the situation.

Doing what she tells you to do- Now this is one thing a lot of guys fall for. You see more or less women try to test men by telling them what to do and what not to do. For example if she asks you to buy her a drink she is only around for the drink and once she gets it she would be gone. You should always be prepared for such tests. Instead of going and getting her a drink you should rather ask her to buy you a drink in a funny manner. You see this would turn the tables and she would react differently.

Warning! Your Relationship is Doomed - She is Going to Leave You If You Don't Stop Doing These Now!

Many men do not realize that they are controlling in their speech and very insecure when talking to women. When dating a girl, men often make the same mistakes over and over which repel her to the extent that the relationship will eventually end. Your actions and words, if not taken care of can actually make her doubt you, and when a girl doubts you she will not think you are the one for her.

Jealousy plays a major part in common mistakes that men make. Women do not like to always be questioned on what they are doing, and where they are going always. She will feel like you don't trust her, and this is the ultimate sign that you are insecure no matter who you are, when you act jealous it tells you are insecure.

When you are prying her for every single detail on things that normally shouldn't be an issue, she will feel you distrust her, and in turn she will begin trusting you less. She wants to feel secure, and when you are acting out on her actions and saying "where were you, where are you going, who is so and so?" she will feel that you cannot offer her the support she needs. No woman wants to be restricted, but by asking and talking this way, she will feel that you don't support the roads she is taking, but rather want her to stop living.

Asking about her past too much and about her past relationships will prove to her, just how insecure you are. You are asking about someone who is history, and you feel threatened by something that doesn't any longer exist; it shows her your lack to be logical, and your insecurities are overbearing even to you. Asking her how long since she was last dating, what her ex was like (in sex as well), and every single detail about her relationship makes her feel you are getting into everything too quickly and are doubting her. She may have a past, but she doesn't want it in her face every second.

Are You a Nice Guy Or a Jerk? - Not Knowing Will Devastate Your Chances With Girls! Find Out Why Now

Most men think that nice guys finish last, but in reality nice guys keep the girl and nice guys are what girls ultimately want. Women are more docile than men know, and being with a bad guy, is just their way to find out about themselves and what they really want; and when you look closer, bad guys can never keep a girl or maintain a relationship. Women want a man who can make a life with her, not destroy it, and being a jerk to her is the best way to do that.

So why do women go for the bad guys, its just because they don't know themselves yet, and going through that will help them realize what they really want. In the end she will find herself going for a nice guy, not a jerk. If you find yourself having girls leave you for other guys, and so forth, don't take it to heart, because she doesn't appreciate you, she still needs to find herself; and you will get the woman who knows what she wants.

Confused girls will date jerks, and frankly this is not the kind of girl you want, because she will leave you as well, when she doesn't know what she wants. The reason women want jerks in the first place, is that they prove to her they don't need her; it gets under her skin, so she pursues him more. The more you show you don't want someone, the more they usually want you to want them. Jerks however over time will continue with their life, and she will get the point that he really doesn't care about her; and will then go for the nice guy, who may have a life, but at least she is part of it.

Girls don't like to be treated like a doormat, so in the end she will want the nice guy, someone who can compliment her with words, and actions. If you are a nice guy and want to know how to get her attention from the jerk to you, you just need to get a sense of adventure. Most bad guys, are bad because they are wild, do what they want when they want. That is their sense of adventure; girls want a man who can be interesting and not always predictable.

Controlling Relationship Signs

Ever wonder if you are in a relationship that is really the right one for you? Or maybe something seems to be askew about the person you are dating, but you just cannot quite put your finger on what might be off about this person. Sometimes when we start a new relationship we can easily get caught up in all the new and exciting feelings we have about the other person and not notice the small details of this person who might be trying to control you. For anyone who may feel like they are in a controlling relationship, here are a few signs to look for.

The first signs of a controlling relationship can be noticed when something rubs you the wrong way. This can be a sign of listening to something they say that is not very nice to you. Instead of brushing it off like it did not happen, take note that it did. Therefore in the future, if this type of situation reoccurs, then you can begin to realize that there is a pattern of controlling behavior starting.

Controlling behavior usually sets in fairly early in a relationship. People who are controlling are smart in finding mates who may have low self-esteem to prey on. They do not waste time when looking for someone that will be easy to push around. Most people that like to be in control will lure you in by making you feel good about yourself. They will come off as the nicest people you will ever meet. Then, once they feel as though you are hooked, that is when the controlling starts.

More signs of a controlling relationship take place when your partner appears to be easily angered. This kind of behavior will show you their other side, "The Darker Side." After noticing how much rage they have, then it will turn into lashing out at you. This might be the best moment to get out of the relationship, before it turns into an abusive one.

If your partner likes to keep close tabs on you at all times, or checks up on you often when your not with them, this too may also be signs of a controlling relationship. Be aware if you get a lot of questions concerning where you have been, who you have been with, and what you were doing while away from your partner.

Someone who has control issues might even go as far as to telling you how to dress, who you can and cannot talk to, and even making decisions for you. Before you know it, you will start to feel like your trapped inside a relationship that is becoming more and more suffocating.

This type of relationship is not healthy. So if you have seen any of the signs written above, then maybe it is time to start talking to someone about these issues. It is always a benefit to get help from an outsider if you truly feel trapped. Once out of a controlling relationship, you will immediately feel as though a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

You Should Never Take This From Girls - This is How You Slaughter Your Opportunities With Women

Have you ever been around a girl who always plays too hard to get around you? The harder you try with her the worse it gets? You see it's not her fault that she is playing too hard to get but it's more or less your fault. You have not done some things you should be doing due to which not only this one but any girl would act that way around you. You are about to be introduced to something no one will ever share with you. Read on to discover what these secrets are and save yourself before it's too late...

She will always try and act busy around you- Has this ever happened to you? Whenever you seem to call her either she's busy or just too tired to talk? You are at the phase where she might dump you faster than you can think possible. You see these are very early signs of disinterest and the best possible way to deal with this is not to contact her unless she contacts you.

You have been on several dates but she hasn't kissed you- Is she trying to avoid physical contact with you of any sort? Again this is a clear sign that she might not be interested in you in that way and might only consider you to be her good friend. You should always make it clear upfront as to what you are looking for otherwise she will always put you in the friend's zone.

She regularly cancels dates at the last minute- This is the worst possible thing which can ever happen to you. If the girl has a habit of canceling the date at the last possible minute then she has no respect for your time and even you. You see being ok with such a situation will only make it worse for you in the future. You should let her know that you aren't ok with it and might not even think about going on a date with her if she does it again.

How to Combine Shared Expenses With the Love of Your Life - Or Even Your Roommate

A cause of stress in many relationships is money. When a couple or roommates share expenses, arguments can happen quickly if people don't agree about how to best save money and meet those expenses. Many of these stressful arguments can be avoided, however, with good budgeting and communication skills. In this article, we'll talk about some of the problems that can happen with bad budgeting. We'll also give you some ways to handle budgeting and a new relationship.

There are four main problems that you can have from failing to create a budget.

1. Not Being Aware of Financial Changes

You may overestimate the amount of money you have if you don't know about outstanding debts and other financial obligations. If one half of the couple thinks that it is OK to buy an expensive item with "extra" money in the savings account, but doesn't know that that money isn't really extra, this may result in an argument. The other person in the relationship may feel that this money should be used to handle an increase or anticipated increases in housing, insurance, car, or other costs.

2. Having Increasing Debts

If you don't have a budget to show how much extra money you really have, you may be tempted to buy things, put them on your credit card, and then pay them off once you receive your extra money. You could then find out, however, that what looked like extra money was actually needed to pay your bills. Additionally, money that should be designated to cover living expenses like rent, bills, and food, but is then spent somewhere else, can result in your having to use credit cards to pay for your living expenses. These both can result in accumulating more debt and lowering your credit score. A low credit score can make financial problems worse; it can result in making it more difficult to get a mortgage, lease a living space, or get a good interest rate on a new car.

3. Having a Lack of Money for "Fun" Activities

Not budgeting can affect a couple's ability to go on vacations and spend time with their loved ones, which will lead to stress in the relationship. If a couple wants to take a vacation, but finds that they don't have the extra money, it may be impossible for them to take that trip.

Likewise, if a couple has more debt than they can handle, one or both members in the relationship may have to take second or third jobs to pay the bills. This will eventually leave the couple with less time to spend with family, friends, and each other.

4. Having a Lack of Harmony in the Relationship

Working long hours and worrying about your financial problems can cause fatigue and stress in an otherwise happy relationship. This extended tension can lead to the couple splitting up or getting divorced, and also may lead to resentment between you and your loved one.

Solutions for Couples and Roommates

You can resolve or avoid many financial problems by being open and honest about debts, income, and financial obligations. You also need to put very simple budgeting methods into place. Although general budgeting advice applies to anyone who pays bills, there are specific tips for couples and roommates in new relationships.

Couples:

You should consider whether it makes sense to combine your finances if you are married and haven't already done so. If you prepare a budget, you can make sure that your finances are managed correctly and reflect changes over time.

New Roommates:

It's very likely that roommates will go their separate ways when one or the other moves on to a different stage in life. This is why it's especially important that you should have separate finances from your roommates. Roommates who do not intend to share a life beyond friendship do not need to share details about income, assets, and debts. You should focus on whether each person can afford to pay his or her share of expenses.

• 1. Discuss your financial habits before deciding to share a living space. This will help determine whether you have similar spending habits. There may be conflict if you have different attitudes about paying your obligations and spending money. Ask for references from former roommates and landlords.
  
• 2. Prepare a hypothetical budget so you can figure out what expenses you'll need to cover. This lets you determine whether each person can afford his or her share of the expenses.
  
• 3. Identify the expenses that you must pay every month, versus the expenses that you don't have to pay to have a place to live. Fixed expenses include rent, water, and electricity. Flexible expenses - those that you don't need - include premium cable and Internet services. You may have to eliminate these expenses if your resources are limited. You also should agree about who makes the decision for getting optional services and who will pay for them.
  
• 4. Keep a separate budget that lists your income and any personal expenses. This will let you see if you can afford any optional expenses in the shared budget.
  
• 5. Don't take on new expenses until you revise the group budget to include the expenses. You and your roommates should determine if the new expense is affordable, and everyone should agree that it is a valid expense.
  
• 6. Write up a formal agreement about how the household expenses will be shared and what will happen if a roommate does not pay his or her share of the expense. You and your roommates should create a system to show how the expenses were crated, when they were paid, and who paid them.

What to Do Next

Not creating a budget can result in being unable to afford basic expenses, having increased debt, being evicted for failing to pay the rent, and losing your utilities. Your relationship may also deteriorate if you don't budget your expenses well. The honeymoon phase, however, may last for a long time if you keep communication open and honest. You should establish ground rules early on for expenses and financial habits, and continue to change and improve them as your relationship grows.

How to Get Your Husband to Do the Dishes

Karen was a 38 year old housewife that was getting more and more depressed by the day. She felt that she was on a never ending treadmill. Take care of the kids, do the the laundry, clean the house, make dinner, day after day it went on.

Her husband came home most nights sat down had dinner and without a word of thanks would retreat to the living room to watch baseball every evening. Any attempts to watch a movie or anything other than sports was usually met with: "I'm not watching any chick flicks."

Karen was contemplating divorce when she discovered some little known secrets that completely transformed her marriage. Now Karen's husband gladly hands over the TV remote every evening, does the dishes every night after dinner, helps with the housework and offers to give her foot rubs every evening.

How did this incredible change come about?

Karen learned how to use her sexuality to change her husbands behavior. She discovered that she could use her feminine power to develop the relationship into a caring, loving, sharing relationship.

She was amazed that when she tried to share this information with her friends that they thought it was manipulative and did not think it was a good idea. What they failed to understand is that men use their masculine qualities all the time to get what they want in the relationship.

Why can't a women use her feminine qualities to get what she wants. All Karen wanted was some appreciation, a little attention and maybe a little help around the house. She didn't think it was too much to ask and what she got in return was more than she ever dreamed possible.

Karen also learned that her husband loved the change in the relationship. He could not stop thinking about her, the marriage was exciting and he looked for ways to please her. Much the same way it was when they first started dating.

The smartest thing a women can do in her marriage or relationship is to use her sexuality to keep her husband in line. Left to there own some men will become lazy, inattentive, and much more prone to cheat. With just a few minor changes and learning how to use your natural feminine abilities and you to will have your husband washing the dishes every night.

The Perfect Man

Okay, I can see all the women reading this article either laughing, shaking their heads in disbelief, or thinking that this must be a satire. No, ladies, it is not. Although I am a man and not in any way perfect, I feel compelled to offset the general rumors about our short-comings and write for all men that strive for perfection, myself included. In order to uncover the perfect man, one must first have a basic checklist. Assuming this article is directed more toward women than men, I'll begin with their perspective. Please note that the following criteria is in no particular order of importance. So here are some, if not all qualifications to be the perfect man.

1. Be a good listener: It's not about YOU, it's about everyone else. Take the time to understand what is being said and allow the person to speak their mind without interruptions. You men will find that this is easier said than done.


2. Be sympathetic: Also empathetic. After hearing what is said, try to recap and play back the important thoughts while putting yourself in their position. Try not to be too judgmental. Tap into your emotional side.


3. Be affectionate. Again, this is for your significant other. A hug, a kiss, or a touch for no apparent reason other than to acknowledge that you care, can do wonders. Don't forget the. "I love you," as well. And remember, it's not all about sex.


4. Be sexy and romantic: Okay, sometimes it's all about sex. Being sexy can be about romance, like candle-lit dinners that YOU make, surprise outings or vacations and other ways to set the mood. Then ask her what she likes you to do to her and go for it.


5. Fix or repair stuff: You know; the broken toilet seat, the pealing paint on the front door, or the leaning shelf. Take the time to make you home a safe place for her and the kids. If you're not handy, learn to be or hire a handyman. Either way, demonstrate that you care about your habitat.


6. Be on time: Keep that appointment or date. Check your watch and calendar. If anything, be early if you can. Being on time is another way to indicate that she's important to you. If you're always late, it just looks like you are a control freak, and that's not good. Timeliness is good trait.


7. Dress nicely: Fine, you like to lounge around in that ten-year-old football shirt and tattered shorts. But try to look nice most of the time. Toss the holy clothes and update the wardrobe. Let her buy outfits for you that she would like to see you in. And then keep them clean. No one likes sweaty shirts or pants. No one.


8. Go shopping: That means with her and for her. Take an occasional trip to the supermarket. Because she's a woman doesn't make her the local errand girl. If you're out of beer or milk, surprise her by shopping on the way home. And don't avoid the mall. She might enjoy your company and your advice on the things she buys. It's quality time together. Which brings us to...


9. Spend more time together: Not just in front of the television. Take her out for a nice dinner or the movies. Plan a surprise weekend retreat away from the kids. Sign up for yoga classes or dance lessons. Try baking a cake together or any hobby or craft project. Be a couple, even at home.


10. Be kind, thoughtful, and generous: Whether it's the way you treat the family dog, your mother-in-law, or that obnoxious neighbor, try to be more forgiving or more tolerant. If your wife spends too much, suggest getting more things on sale rather than cutting her off. Involve her in the budget and make her an economic partner. Be the best person you can be.

There are just ten ways to be a better man. Those of you reading this can probably come up with enough others to fill a file cabinet. But this article was intended to get you thinking. Some women I know will print it out and show it to their husbands with a "see, I told you so," note attached. That's fair and a good place to start. But I might suggest that you pick just one of these to begin with and work on that until it is mastered. That might just be the perfect way to create that perfect man.

Moving Out - How to Know If Your Roommate is Tolerable Or Not

So you've just moved into you new flat. It's amazingly well furnished, really near the place where you work or study and probably the most peaceful place you've ever lived in-until you discover that you in fact have a roommate.

And there's nothing wrong with having a roommate. Most of the time that means company on boring days, a frequent companion and a new friend. But unfortunately not all roommates are like that. There are those that just want to make you move out in a split second. So if you'd like to avoid such people, you should look into the following clues and see if your specific roommate has any of these qualities, traits or things.

The marks of a bad roommate:

1. Foulmouthing: This is one of the things that can turn people off in a split second. People can definitely vent or foul mouth when they are justified, honest or on occasions when they just need to vent. But someone who foulmouths everyone and everything from your next door neighbor to the pigeons in the garden is someone that's pretty hard to live with.

2. Meddling: Having a roommate means that you will probably have another person know some intimate details about your life that you may not want some people to know. And a good roommate will most probably keep such information private. A bad roommate will broadcast it in blogs, conversations, and in pictures for all the world to see. Watch out for this privacy killer!

3. Bad hygiene: We all know that this is one of the biggest turn-offs for any roommate. Do they smell really nasty? Do they have a habit of leaving their snipped up pubic hair lying all around the floor? Do they leave used toilet paper all over the house? Hygiene is one of the best reasons to change your place if your stuck with such a ridiculously dirty and slovenly roommate.

This is Why You Will Never Get the Girl of Your Dreams - You Must Know This Before It's Too Late

So why do you think some guys suck at attracting females? Every guy out there wants to be with the girl of his dreams but why is it that he either has to settle for something else or worse nothing at all? And at the same time there are guys out there who are able to get any girl they desire within minutes. You see the one's how get the girls know what to do and how to do it. They know some things you don't know. Read on to discover what these things are and achieve mind blowing results fast.........

Not making the first move- Girls will never easily approach you even when you have stunning good looks. You see one of the major reasons why a lot of guys out there don't get the women of their dreams is simply due to the fact that they never bothered to approach the one's they want to be with. They just keep waiting for the right moment and guess what? That right moment never comes. Therefore you must learn to approach otherwise someone else might take what you want.

Bring too concerned about whether she will like you or not- When you have a high sense of concern regarding whether she will like you or not you will always end up losing her. You see the guys who always get the girls have the attitude of non-attachment where they don't get affected by what a girl thinks about them. And the fact is that this is the attitude which gets most girls attracted towards men.

Giving her all the attention- This is more or less like trying to convince her to like you. You must make the girl earn your attention instead of giving her attention all the time. Always remember that unless she has to work hard to get you she will never feel any sense of real attraction towards you.

Pitfalls in Building Relationships, Commitment and Love - Starting With P

We continue this series suggesting how to avoid many pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. You may know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to make such relationships happen. But we do have many suggestions that focus on potential problems. We actually have a double series of articles for the letter P. The focus here is on pander, panic, and persecute.

P is for pander. Don't pander to the crowd or to the boss. People have their misunderstandings and shortcomings but please don't pry them up or praise them in consequence. For example, your boss Peter may have an ante-Deluvian viewpoint about women in positions of power. If the two of you are performing a job evaluation for Patricia, a female employee who you feel is yet not ready for a leadership role, make an extra effort not to reinforce Peter's prejudice. Don't pander to his backwardness. Why not spend time with Patricia helping her get ready for an expanded role in your organization?

P is for panic. Don't push the panic button. Panicking is a sure way to achieve pandemonium or at least severe problems. We live in a place with cold, icy winters. One of the first things that people in our neck of the woods (most of the woods were cut down decades ago) learn about winter driving is to avoid slamming on the brakes when the car starts to skid. A slight touch of panic can transform an unpleasant situation into a genuine disaster. Don't let your fear or your surprise shut off your thinking processes. In most cases, there is a solution available to your unexpected crisis. But if you panic you won't find that solution while it still could be applied. And you'll have plenty of time to ponder the consequences after the fact.

P is for persecute. There is nothing cute about persecution. That truism holds whether or not the persecutor and/or the persecuted person is a purse carrier. Or is cute. Do you disagree with Pat or Pam? Disagree if you want. You are permitted to dislike them. (Please don't take it so far as hating their guts.) But don't even think about persecuting them. Or they may turn around and prosecute you.

Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.

Is Self Sabotage Keeping You in an Unhealthy Relationship?

Have you ever noticed yourself falling into an ever familar pattern of self sabotage shortly after entering into a new relationship?

Self sabotage can take many forms such as engaging in addictive behaviors (i.e. drugs, alcohol, pornography, work , etc), engaging in affairs, withdrawing emotionally, becoming irresponsible with financial matters or personal hygeine, regressing into child like behaviors where you are unconsciously asking your partner to take care of you or rescue you, etc.

Of course such behaviors can only be tolerated for so long even by the most caring and loving of partners before things become unstuck and everything falls apart.

The self sabotaging partner will then feel initial pangs of grief and sadness but there may also be deeper feelings of relief as well. Why is this?

Well largely because the self sabotaging behaviors are sourced from deep emotional hurts that the individual carries within them either from earlier relationships, and more often from early childhood familial traumas.

These emotional hurts often make the individual feel unworthy, lacking self esteem and self confidence, defective or deficient in some way (i.e. the "there's something wrong with me" feeling), afraid of being found out by others (especially their partner), incapable of sustaining a healthy relationship for any length of time and generally fragile and anxious.

So although this person desires to be in a relationship, being fully known to their partner entails the great risk of being rejected hence they supposedly feel more in control when they themselves initiate the demise of the relationship through self sabotage.

Behaviors that supposedly compensate for such inner feelings of hurt and allow the individual to "appear together" when they first meet a new partner. However such a facade is in place to unconsciously seduce the partner into a relationship so that they can begin to fulfill a hidden unconsciously held agenda. The facade is needed because deep down the self sabotaging partner does not believe that they are genuinely lovable.

The hidden agenda is about allowing the "handicapped" partner get the care, soothing and love they need to feel whole and OK about themselves. Unfortunately this not what was bargained for by the relatively more healthy partner and so when it becomes apparent that they have been deceived the relationship begins to falter.

So how can this be remedied?

Well in my view the only way to effect any real and rapid change in this situation is to help the self sabotaging partner release their emotional pain once and for all from within.

As a former psychiatrist it was my experience that psychotherapy cannot do this. It was this awareness that led me to develop an entirely new and revolutionary approach that goes beyond what most therapists call "therapy".

This new approach, called the Mind Resonance Process® (MRP), which I have written about extensively in this ezine, is a process that helps to effectively clear the "hard drive" of your unconscious of any old traumatic memory that is holding you back in your life. The process is such that when the memories are released old negative self sabotaging behaviors associated with them also spontaneously dissolve without any extra effort on your part.

This releases one and helps to build self worth, self confidence, self esteem, a feeling of OK'ness about one's self, boosts energy, healthy and leads to healthy relationships.

If you'd like to experience MRP kindly contact me at the email address below for a complimentary experience.

How to Sustain a Relationship

It is generally believed that giving birth to a baby is easy, the hard part is taking care of them. Starting a relationship is easy, taking care of it and making sure that the two of you in that relationship are satisfied is the hard part. Many relationship are ending, marriages are broken-up and most of the time the children are left wondering who to choose. New relationship start every single day but some of them will not survive if people do not know how to sustain a relationship. Here are a few things you could do to make sure you and your loved one do not fall out of love and end a relationship.

Its always good to remind one another that you love each other if you want to sustain a relationship. Every once in a while take time to do something special for the person you love. It could be something as simple as doing their laundry or preparing a simple delicious food. You can also write little love notes and slip them in their pockets or handbags. You can also leave a note on their monitor. Telling someone you love them sometimes is not enough. You have to say those words when you mean them and you have some feelings. Sometimes when you keep telling someone you love them it becomes something automatic, something you have got used to and you just say it because you are used to saying it. Make your partner know that you love them and that they are the one for you.

Appreciate you partner. Whenever they do something good you should appreciate them. Criticizing them will only make them detest you and it won't be long before they want to break up with you. Its easy to overlook the good that someone has done and only see the wrong. You should also recognize their effort. After all they might be doing their best and just because they did not do their best according to your standards it doesn't mean they did not do their best. Make sure they know that you appreciate every little thing they do. Do not forget to thank them if they went out of their way to make you comfortable or if they were there for you. Sometimes a simple thank you can sustain a relationship.

Always respect your mate. Just because you have been with them for such a long time and you are so used to them it doesn't mean you should stop respecting them. Respect is something everyone deserves. Looking down upon your mate is not going to help much if you want to sustain a relationship. Even if your partner lost their job and they can not provide for the family give them their due respect. If your partner does something that you do not agree with there is always a way you can correct them without being disrespectful. You might want to say exactly what you feel but if its a disrespectful hold it. Sometimes silence says more