Overtolerance and Relationships - 4 Signs You Might Tolerate Too Much in Your Relationship

Relationships are challenging and require effort, commitment, and love to be successful. If two people are emotionally balanced and mutually respectful, a lasting, positive union is possible. However, there are some relationship dynamics that are truly unhealthy and cause pain or destruction to one or both partners. Whether it is an abusive scenario, or your partner has other damaging behaviors or traits such as untreated addictions or compulsive affairs, partners who put up with such situations commonly share some traits that allow for this. Typically, partners like this are tolerant, loving, extremely caring, non judgmental, and willing to give others a chance. These are all wonderful qualities, but taken to an extreme where harm is being done psychologically, they can become excessive. Here are 4 signs that you might be overtolerant in your relationship:

1.       You deny, minimize, or find rationale for your partner's bad behaviors to yourself. You might think in terms of other situations you have heard about where behavior is worse. Yes, there are probably worse situations, but comparing two trauma wounds doesn't make either less painful. Better to avoid the injury altogether. 

2.      You tend to cover for or take responsibility for your partner's behaviors to others. If your partner behaves poorly, you may feel an obligation to protect his or her reputation as well as your own for staying with this destructive person. You might feel inclined to try to fulfill missed obligations or responsibilities in your partner's place if possible.   

3.      You feel frightened of the prospect of being without the relationship and consequently do what you must do to keep it, even if that means compromising your own wants and needs. Arguments may be dropped, ultimatums may be dismissed if the relationship is truly threatened.

4.      You are worried at what your partner might do if you leave, and feel responsible or guilty for the outcome. Your concern that he or she might self destruct without you there to take care of him or her is a sign you've invested to an unhealthy extreme into the relationship and are taking too much responsibility.