I recently hired the Video Fool For Love from the video store (OK, I'm a bit behind - it came out in 1995). For those of you who haven't seen it, the film is the video diary of balding, buck-toothed and (by his own admission), "born ugly" Robert Gibson, as he romances the vivacious Gianna Santone.
As I watched Robert (still clueless at 42) bumble his way through wooing, romancing, living with, getting engaged to, and finally breaking up with Gianna, I realised the film is an excellent instructional video on how NOT to conduct your intimate relationships. All you have to do is observe Robert and then do the exact opposite.
To save you $3, and possibly much heart ache, I have summarised the main points below:
DON'T start sleeping with someone new when you're engaged to be married.
DON'T let your new lover move in when you've only known them for two weeks.
When your new lover does move in, DON'T leave your walls covered with pictures of your ex.
DON'T forget lust fades.
DON'T think that getting married will cure your boredom with the relationship or fix any other problems.
DON'T wait for ages until you bring up your concerns that your lover never has an orgasm when you have sex. DON'T bring up these concerns while you are having an argument.
When your fiance says she doesn't want to marry you, DON'T make a joke out the situation, ignore their concerns and advise them that the best way to assuage any doubts is to marry you.
DON'T have your vasectomy reserved until AFTER you're married.
When your ex comes around to collect their stuff, DON'T lock them in your flat and provoke an shoving match.
When you're in the depths of despair when your lover leaves you, DON'T resort to handfuls of Valium to ease your pain. It won't help.
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