What Makes a Relationship?

We live in a digital world where the human touch is fast getting lost. Families and loved ones can now communicate across the world or across the living room using their iPhones, Blackberries, computers, cell phones and other devices.

I was watching a movie on Sunday, (Dr Dolittle 2 actually) J and the Father had to call his daughter on her cell phone to get permission to enter her room which of course was locked. When Dad complained to his wife about the situation, the response was Well she is 16 now, she has her own world.

Well, you might be thinking, that was a movie. But was it just a movie? Or was it revealing what is happening in real life today? I think the latter.

The worst is when families or couples go out to eat and one or more of the members of the party spend their whole time talking on the cell phone and the group in front of them is ignored. I saw that happen many times while serving in a popular restaurant.

What was the point of going out to eat? Does this group enjoy a real relationship? I think not.

So what makes a relationship? One of the keys is found in the word sharing, and indisputably this attribute goes hand in hand with trust. There is no real sharing unless there is an attitude of unselfishness which contributes to making a person trustworthy.

Unselfishness is when you put the other person before your own interests.

These three attributes (unselfishness, sharing and trust) are the qualities you need to have working in your life before you can form any genuine relationship. It is the things that are shared that bring 2 or more people together. The other 2 ingredients (trust and unselfishness) help to create the relationship.

Some of the things that help bring people together are when the following things are shared:

1. Ideas. When two or more people come together to share ideas, or to brain storm for a common interest or project, a relationship of some form is developed between the members of this group.

A friendship built around a common project may lead to the discovery of other mutual interests and areas of life that can become a springboard for the making of a lasting relationship.

2. Interests. When you discover that you share interests with another person or persons, the outcome can often be that a friendship is formed. It is usually more fun to do things, even the things you enjoy, when you can share this enjoyment with someone else.

It is much more fun to go out to eat, go to a movie, the golf course or the mall with another person than it is to go alone.

3. The Challenges of Life When life challenges come along, there is usually someone else or even group close by that will surround us with their care and support, and help with the solution of the situation.

There is nothing like going through times when you support or are being supported to build a relationship or strengthen an already existing one. When the support offered was positive and helpful, the friendship that results may last a lifetime.

4. The Joys of Life In the same way that life can have its challenges, there are always joys as well. The joys of life are enhanced when shared with family or friends.

Often the circumstances that bring the joys will affect more than just your life, and so the sharing is even more meaningful. These times in life will all help to develop and strengthen your ties with family and friends.

5. The Sorrows of Life Life is full of joys as well as sorrows. Sorrows are more difficult to face than challenges, because grief and loss cause change in life.

You can often resolve challenges and life can go on as before. However sorrows bring change. Change is always difficult, but when it is forced upon you overnight it is even more difficult.

It is in these times that we all need the understanding and emotional support of family and friends and when this is received, a bond of friendship is formed or deepened.

Sorrows usually affect more than just one person, and when the affected parties are able to gather together to support each other, the ties of family and friends are strengthened.

6. Life Purpose and Passions. When you find a person who can share your life purpose and passion, then the friendship that you form can definitely be strong and lasting. In this digital world we live in today, there are too many relationships that are very superficial and short lived.

Commitment is almost a nasty word. Yet it is commitment to a purpose or passion that can bring two people together in a lasting relationship in a way that very little else can.

7. Mutual Sharing of Trust Above all any relationship is based on various degrees of trust. We touched on trust at the beginning of this article. Without trust, there is no real relationship no matter how many other things we may share with another person. Trust is the cement that makes a true relationship.

I think you would agree that if we were asked to answer the question What Makes a Relationship? with just one word, the answer would have to be trust. Then it would be fair to say that to be able to enjoy good relationships, you need to be trustworthy. If you find you are lacking in this area, then it would be a good thing to start working on this today!

May you be blessed with many strong and successful relationships!