Winning Back an Ex Begins With Accepting the Break Up

Getting dumped never feels good, especially when you were not expecting the bad news. In many cases, a break-up is not a permanent solution. A break-up, while devastating for the victim, often comes down to a test of some sort, so winning back an ex is not only achievable but likely. Break-up victims should realize this before they say or do things that they will regret later.

First, let's look at the first two stages of a break-up before tackling the task of winning back an ex. Like with anything, a break up comes with several emotional stages. First, most people face denial. The news may seem unreal or might have a numbing effect. It's usually difficult to come to terms with this devastating blow. Depending on the personality type, denial can last as little as a couple of minutes.

The next logical stage is anger. This can encompass feelings of hatred, resentment and jealousy. Despite being unpleasant, these feelings are normal. In many break-ups, the victim might destroy property accumulated during the relationship or burn personal memorabilia like letters and photos. Again, this is normal, but depending on the severity of the reaction it may cause irreparable damage to the relationship and could affect the chances of successfully winning back an ex.

Depending on the stage, one of the first things the victim needs to do to win back an ex is accept the break-up. The earlier the stage, the easier it is to do. For example, in the case of a very recent break up where the victim is in the denial stage and has not graduated to anger or any further stage, merely acknowledging the break-up may suffice. For example, it could be something as simple as, "Yes, I agree with your position. When you put it that way, breaking up makes perfect sense."

The reason for accepting the break-up is simple. Since break-ups are often tests, it makes sense for the victim to do some testing too. Now, this should not sound like a life-threatening risk or a form of a deviant mind-game. Instead, the victim's test is to see whether or not the break-up is real or will have long-term implications. In many cases, it will not. But in the event that it does, it makes better sense for the victim to understand the reality of the situation sooner rather than later.

Acceptance usually leads to signs that the ex is prepared to give things another chance. This comes with the ex's surprise when the victim agrees to the break-up. Like a poker player who decides to go all-in on a poor hand, the ex who is willing to try again usually exercises the break-up option only if he or she knows that the victim will wait around and take him or her back. But when the victim accepts the break-up instead, the ex realizes rather quickly that "going back" might not be unconditional. So if the ex never intended to lose the victim, he or she will need to go back soon, especially before the victim starts to enjoy that freedom!