Relationships are an important element in life for a large number of people. Having a relationship that is healthy, mutually fulfilling, and supportive is high on many people's list of desires. If the partners are healthy and well balanced emotionally, and put for effort to communicate, show love, and behave respectfully, this goal is well within reach.
However, if there is an imbalance in the relationship dynamic, and one person is harming or bleeding dry the other partner emotionally, the "red flag" system that we all have to protect our physical, spiritual, and emotional safety becomes compromised. Being chronically activated, the effort of suppressing the instinct to fight or flee, and simply tolerate the situation, can cause a variety of negative effects like physical illness and even depression. Here are 3 steps to getting back in touch with the instincts that can help preserve you in a relationship:
1. Take good care of your physical body. It is important to be especially vigilant about your physical state when you are in a situation where you have chronic stress hormones being released. Eat a healthy diet, try to eliminate processed foods and refined sugars, and increasing your consumption of fruits, vegetables, proteins, and whole grains. If you find you need extra supplementation, try food based multivitamins, calcium, and fish oil. L-Theanine is a supplements that has anti-anxiety properties. Get some exercise, ideally cardiovascular in nature, on a regular basis. It is important to check with your doctor before starting a new exercise program or new supplements.
2. Begin to focus and become more in tune with the way your body reacts to certain events and stressors. Become more aware of what occurs in your body when someone yells at you, or leaves you a nice voicemail, or asks you to do something you don't want to do. Does your stomach feel sick? Do you tighten your jaw? If the stimulus is a positive event or experience, do you feel more relaxed or peaceful? Try spending more time seeking out the positive reactions over the negative ones.
3. Start applying your new awareness to the relationships you have in your life. Perhaps you notice that certain people "set off" the negative physical responses. Listen to this and be cautious. Gravitate toward those who give you more positive feelings. It is not helpful to try to "talk yourself out of" your feelings. Allow for the fact that your instincts about who is best to spend time around valid.
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