The magic of touch between both of you has disappeared. You don't even talk to each other. Though you live together & love each other very much, there is hardly any connect between you. Sometimes you fight & it all ends up well but even that is short lived.
He's not sensitive enough! He doesn't even know your needs. She just doesn't understand your wants. This upsets you no ends. You feel that you're not loved & feel uncared. Don't you ?
The same thoughts of his or her not taking care of you, keep on revolving in your mind. You spend most of your time brooding over this, feeling irritated, frustrated, angry & helpless. What do you do. Where do you go. You don't want to seek outside help as it is between the two of you. Things have come to such a pass that though you love him very much, there's a total disconnect and there is an urgent need to get the relationship moving. Here's where you can make a small start or a modest beginning.
It is important to remember that if you really love each other, things can improve instantly and now.
It is quite normal for either of you to lose sight of things important to your partner because of your daily grind. Your partner's boss may be driving your partner crazy or your partner may be concerned about his parents' health or his finances or something else & may not be that sensitive to your daily needs. Here it is important to focus on how "you" can alleviate his concerns rather than bothering about his insensitivity. It may not be worthwhile trying to match his/ her insensitivity.
Relationship is not about what you can get from it but rather about what you can give to it. There has to be a commitment of "contribution & giving" in a healthy relationship. If you're not prepared to "give" to a relationship, you can seriously debate the genuineness of such a relationship. Ok, so now let's focus on how we can get the relationship flowering again.
In the daily grind, frustration, anger etc, we loose the connect or what is called "rapport" with our partner. This means that there is no bridge between the two of you that you can start treading instantly. The magical word to create that bridge instantly is "Hi" .
It is further important to understand the current concerns of your partner, even if he/she doesn't want to share it with you. And here's the magic.
Step 1 - Establish the rapport.
Step 2 - Fake the behavior that you feel is deficient in your partner. ( This essentially means that if you think that your partner is not sensitive to your needs, behave as if you're the one who is not sensitive to your partner's needs.
Step 3 - Reaffirm your commitment to the relationship.
So as a case study, suppose your partner is quite insensitive to you or your needs currently. this is how you can put it......
"Hi, It seems that something is bothering you. " (step 1) I may seem insensitive to your needs, (step 2)but I love you & care for you.(step 3)
These words are magical. They can be spoken at the right time, or you can mail or "SMS" these to your partner & trust me that the response will be definite, delightful & one that will build a bridge between both of you. Such is the power of these words that they destroy all the resistance, inhibition, anger, frustrations & build bridges instantly.
And don't tell me that why should you say sorry or "fake" insensitivity when he's the one at fault or is insensitive. Sure, but remember that your focus is your relationship & not "your logically correct positions".
Just do it & watch the magic.
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