How can self mastery be the secret ingredient to relationship success? The answer is that the more comfortable we are within ourselves the stronger partners we can be in a relationship. True self mastery is not selfishness. Instead, it is a realistic acceptance of ones strengths and limitations while allowing ones' partner the freedom to be who he/she is. From that premise the couple can grow the relationship because they don't need the other to fulfill them. Rather their energy can go into creating a loving relationship.
A relationship is more than a twosome. It is a separate dynamic entity. Let's look at an example of a relationship where the needs of one person undermined the well being of the relationship.
Mary and John had a good marriage. Gradually things began to change and they no longer were able to work together as well as before. John's drinking had increased to a point where he was not present with his family the way he had been. His life revolved more and more around his drinking. Tasks that they used to share - the kids, bills, care for the home -Mary was doing by herself. So far the part of their lives that had not fallen apart were their jobs. Mary was operating in automatic survival mode until she stepped back and acknowledged that she needed to reclaim who she was. By re-focusing on herself Mary began to renew her self mastery. She admitted to herself that she had been in denial about how she was affected by the changes. As Mary got stronger in self mastery she began addressing the issues with John that were undermining the well being of their relationship.
What we learn from this example is how change in one person affected the balance of the relationship. Two people can gradually create a balance in their relationship that forces each into roles that undermine their ability to function fully. By re- focusing on self mastery a new healthy balance can be established in the relationship.
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